Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The Crush of a Lifetime

I am still in hot, deep lust with Rick. He could now be bald and fat and a real son of a bitch but in my eyes he would still be the hottest 17 year old I ever got to wrestle with.

I met Rick for the first time when he was starting his junior year of high school and I was a senior. Not long after meeting him I had to check the yearbook from the previous year to try to figure out why I had never noticed him before. The one year difference was astounding. As a sophomore he was a mop-headed, scrawny, pasty little stick of a kid. Go to any sixth or seventh grade class and half the boys there will look like he did as a tenth grader; at 15, Rick was the model of pre-pubescence.

At 16, he was a god.

To this day I can't believe that anyone could grow like he did. I was FINISHED growing at 15!

When I met him he was 6'1" with a hard, defined muscular body and a handsome, chiseled face with a look somewhat like Josh Hartnett. At the time we met he was in especially great shape because he had spent the prior six weeks in training for the varsity football team.

I met Rick in the first month of senior year because I was good friends with his girlfriend Debbie. Debbie was Senior Class President, pretty good-looking herself, and extremely athletic. I don't know how she and Rick originally hooked-up but clearly they were two A-listers meant to hang in the same circles. Except ---- for the first 15 years of his life Rick was a complete geek.

Even more than his looks, Rick's Heart of Geek was ultimately what made me so obsessed with him. If he had always been white hot, with dozens of girls falling all over him, he never would have been the modest, somewhat shy nerd that he was.

As I got to know Rick, and endlessly lust over him, I loved him all the more. The guy was a genuine brainiac AND he was hysterically funny without ever being obnoxious or theatrical. My very best memories of being with Rick were the many times I was able to "trick" him into wrestling with me after school. He out-weighed me by about 40 pounds and towered inches above me, but if I puffed out my chest and called him a wimp I was CERTAIN to have him pressing his muscled body all over me in seconds. Honestly, every "match" was like sex to me. And yet he never seemed to acknowledge how blatantly sexual my interest in him was. It still astounds me because he was a very smart guy and I was practically slobbering all over him every minute he was near.

Rick and Debbie were together our entire senior year. As time wore on, Debbie confinded more and more to me about their relationship. She didn't tell me any real gossip - she wasn't that kind of girl - but she did express some frustration because he kept writing her sticky-sweet love notes and she did not know how to answer them. I thought she was nuts to be put-off by them and it took a lot of restraint on my part not to tell her so. The knowledge that he was a dopey romantic just made him all the more irresistable to me. By the end of the year the guy was about as close to Jesus on Earth as any man ever could be.

And I wasn't the only one who thought so. His junior year he was elected school Student Body Vice President and the following October he was crowned Homecoming King. I think his ego may have inflated his senior year but I wasn't there to see it.

Instead my memories of Rick are of the wrestling and a few key incidents. Sadly, none of the incidents make for hot stories but I will write about them anyway because they illustrate my state of mind at the time.

By the Spring of senior year I had a lot of freedom to come and go from my house, even at night. Eventually I realized this afforded me the opportunity to "see what Rick might be doing." It was just my luck that his bedroom was only ten or twelve feet from the street and there was no fence between. He shared his room with his brother but that did not stop me from sneaking up to his window at night and listening in. I guess that made me a stalker...

I never saw him in his room but once I overheard him and his brother listening and laughing to "The Dr. Demento Show." Another time I watched for a few minutes as Rick and Debbie were 'parked' in front of his house. I couldn't see anything though because their car's windows were all steamed up.

About that same time, on a whim, Rick decided to play on the badminten team. Once I learned he was going to play I immediately signed up. I had hoped I might catch him shirtless in the locker room a few times. I only got lucky once but it was worth it.

In the many times that we wrestled there was never any skin-to-skin contact, except for maybe hands on a bare fore-arm. Then, during the very last week of school, when we got out early every day, I got the thrill of my life. Rick and I, plus two good female friends, decided to grab some frozen yogurt. It was a hot day and we were all wearing shorts. After we got our food we sat a small table and while we were eating and laughing Rick moved his very muscular bare leg into my own bare leg. I expected him to pull away immediately but he didn't. I certainly didn't move my leg. In fact, I could barely breathe, almost like a mini-orgasm. We sat there for a good 5 minutes, knees and legs embracing, and I was certain that I felt him press seductively into me. After all this time could Rick really be coming on to me????

For days afterwards I analyzed the situation and carefully watched him for any indication that my lust for him could be in any way reciprocated. I never saw a clue. At the end of the summer I had a dinner out with friends for my 18th birthday and Rick was there. I made damn sure to sit next to him and also made damn sure that our legs touched at least twice. Both times he moved his leg away. Even before the party I had figured that the Bare-Leg Rubbing Incident was innocent, but the pulled-away-leg at my birthday dinner seemed to prove me right. Still, Rick instinctively knew how to torture me. As the dinner ended we were going to all drive to Debbie's house to hang out for a while. Several of us needed a ride but as I was the birthday boy Rick insisted that I ride with him. Remarkably, it ended up just the two of us in his car. Sitting near him in front seat of his car was the most private, intimate 15 minutes we had ever spent together. As we started the drive, I really wondered what he would want to talk about, particularly since he had insisted that I ride with him. But by the end I was disappointed. He was no different with me alone in the car than he had been with me in front of lots of other people. He was friendly, funny and personable but never put out any sort of gay vibe.

I ran into Rick one more time before I left for college but it was a quick hello. I don't remember seeing him at all after high school, although I heard about him through others. Although I didn't see him, he remained one my primary fantasies for many years, until I was about 30.

Through friends I learned that he had become a math teacher at a high school about an hour from where I lived. All the stars aligned for me one day when I had to drive to a meeting for work in the same city where he worked. I had previously done a few visits to high school college counselors on behalf of my alma mater so I decided to use that as an excuse to go to HIS high school. I carefully researched and timed my visit so that I would catch him after school when the kids were gone but before he left. So there I was, 30 years old, dressed in a suit and tie, standing with my hands on my hips in his classroom when he looked up to see who had entered.

"Can I help you?" he said, a slightly puzzled look on his face.

I was beeming, happy to see him again. He looked good. Athletic, but not as bulky as in high school. "I came to say hi to the Homecoming King," I replied.

"And who are you?" Oh, how devastating not to be recognized!

"Can't you guess?"

"Um..." He squinted at me for a second and then said my name with a little happy surprise in his voice.

Sadly for me he did not rush over, throw his arms around me, and tell me how great it was to see me. He was friendly and polite but noticeably more restrained as a teacher at 29 than as a kid at 17. We caught up for a few minutes and I explained how, by sheer coincidence, I happened to know how to find him. Then he apologized and said he had a departmental meeting and had to go. Trying to be as casual as possible I said, "No problem. I just thought I should stop and say hi since I was here." I don't think we even shook hands, but maybe we did.

A few days after I visited I sent him an email in an attempt to stay in touch. He politely answered but clearly there was no spark. So, I let him go. And my fantasies about him shortly thereafter came to an end. Looking back at my history with him, I couldn't help but feel ridiculous. I had spent twelve years pointlessly pining for him and yet when reunited he could only muster polite conversation. Clearly I was a casual high school acquaintance to him and nothing more.

Rick was the biggest - and last - significant crush I will ever have. Seeing him again was a luke-warm slap that made me realize that I should live in the real world, not one of my imagination.

Luckily for me, I got a positive dose of reality not long after seeing Rick again.

1 comment:

  1. I am fascinated with your story. You write very well. The description of your first orgasm was so real! I look forward to reading more.

    ReplyDelete