In the last post, I made the argument that a gay man who is married to a woman has certain advantages. One is that he is less likely to be lonely, especially later in life.
By a score of 3 to 2, the "Nice try Cameron, but you know the fear of the unknown is preventing you from making a better and truer life" crowd wins.
What I found interesting is that everyone who replied is married, yet the vote was split. So, while the fear of being alone applies to many, it is definitely not universal.
As for my own feelings on the topic, Jayson (Guys like Me) was correct when he said that the fear of being alone is really just the fear of the unknown. Given the right circumstances, I know I could overcome both fears.
Overall, I think NewLeaf (My Travels Out Of The Closet) made the most compelling arguments when it comes to dealing with being old and alone. Essentially he said that you have to take personal responsibility for your situation. You have to make friends and not mope around feeling sorry for yourself.
NewLeaf also said about himself, "Do I crave a long term relationship with a man? Sure. Do I think it will happen? Probably not." Now that's a depressing thought. If NewLeaf can't find a long term relationship then 95% of singles over the age of 40 should just put a gun to their heads now.
Well. Perhaps that's overkill...Maybe the end-all goal of life is NOT to find a long-term relationship. Maybe it's ok to transition from relationship to relationship over time.
Damn, that's a hard one for me to swallow. Even at 43, I remain a naive romantic.
Mark (Edgy Husband) gave me a proverbial kick to the nuts: "I don't buy that gay men don't value relationships and family. That all sounds like the Yes on 8 propagandists talking." Holy shit, now I'm a prop 8 propagandist?! Are there any guns left from the singles over 40 group? - I need one for myself.
One of my better qualities (?) is that I never take anything personally. Even when I should. For example, someone could look me in the eyes and say very directly, "You are one ugly dude," and I would think, He must be having a really shitty day to feel like saying that to me. I feel bad for him.
My point is...I know Mark doesn't think I'm a prop 8 propagandist. But damn, those steel-toed boots hurt!
Actually, and for the record, I did not say that gay men don't value relationships and family. I know that is not true. There are all kinds of gay men in this world and many greatly value relationships. What I'd like to know is --- where is the guy who greatly values a relationship with ME????
Because I will tell you this, I don't want to be old and alone.
That scares me.