Please be sure to read the comments. They're the best part.
I'm 43 and gay. I'm finally ready to come out.
After I do all the ugly stuff of telling my wife, kids, family and friends, I'll finally get to the good stuff: finding a guy to spend the rest of my life with.
I've done the hook-ups, the fuck buddies and the friends with benefits. There's nothing wrong with any of those arrangements but I'm ready to move on to a full-time committed relationship.
How do I find the right guy?
First, I need to network with gay friends. Hopefully they can provide some moral support. And maybe they have a few decent friends I could date.
Second, I have to decide how to find the right kind of guys on-line. Manhunt? Adam4Adam? Craigslist? Gay.com? Hmmm. Maybe not to start. I'll try Compatible Partners and Match.com first.
Third, any activity groups I can join? Nothing obvious comes up in an Internet search. I need to ask around.
6 months later...
After six months of dating men, I have learned three things:
1. There are two kinds of guys who want to date a 44 year old: SOME guys who are 44 or older; and, boys who are looking for a sugar daddy. Every one else only wants to date someone younger than they are. Even the 43 year olds.
2. Men are all about looks. Let's be honest: most married guys who are over 40 are overweight. Or balding. Or unattractive. Or all of the above. Thankfully I'm not overweight and although my hair is slowly thinning, many follicles are putting up a good fight; I could look worse. So my looks are way above the average 44 year old married guy. But my gay years equivalent is 80. Average looks just aren't good enough to attract the guys I like. To do that, I need to be hot.
3. Men are assholes. At least all the gay guys that are still single. One date with 80% of them and I know exactly why they're all single! The rest? Flakes, liars and commitment phoebes. The very few that remain? So overwhelmed with their baggage that they can't handle the relationship they desperately say they want.
Now that I've given up my old life, which in retrospect wasn't so bad, I have no choice to soldier on and hope I'll meet someone soon.
Six years later...
I wonder what the peak age is for single, out gay men to commit suicide?
50 seems logical. If you're gay, 50 and single, it's all over. Why delay the inevitable?
I guess it's true...the grass always does look greener on the other side of the fence. I felt agitated and unfulfilled in the closet. Now I feel unfulfilled, lonely and hopeless. All things considered, I should have come out before 40 or stayed married.
Now that I've blown my old life apart, I have no choice but to pay a younger guy to love me or remain forever alone. I'm so depressed!
Come on all you gay men, you know it's true...there's no good reason for a married guy with kids to come out over 40 - unless he's hot.