Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Everyone is familiar with the Kinsey Scale, the seven point (0-6) line that moves from "completely heterosexual" to "completely homosexual."
How do you know where you fit on that scale?
You choose your own number.
Picking a number for some people can be very difficult. For others, the number can change throughout the day. "Threes" are true bisexuals, they are equally attracted to both genders. But how many threes might move to a four or a five if they spent 72 hours interacting only with hot men? Similarly, couldn't they move to a one or a two if they spent an extended period of time interacting only with sexy women?
Fritz Klein, a psychiatrist, sex researcher and bisexual, devised the "Klein Sexual Orientation Grid" to add greater depth to the Kinsey Scale. Unlike the Kinsey Scale, you don't pick a number on a line. Instead, you answer a few questions. The first set of questions are about your attractions, behavior and fantasies. This is your "sexual self."
The second set of questions is about your social, emotional and lifestyle preferences. These are "aspects of sexual orientation."
The final question is the Kinsey question: how gay or straight do you think you are?
For all three sections, you give an answer based on your past, present, and your ideal.
For years I have thought of myself as a 5 on the Kinsey scale. Honestly, if I had never married I doubt that I would ever have had sex with a woman. But I do occasionally find myself noticing women and I certainly desire sex with my wife.
On the Klein scale I scored a 4. Close enough to 5, I guess.
But wait! There's more.
Dr. Robert Epstein developed the Epstein Sexual Orientation Inventory (ESOI). This is an 18 question test that measures your sexuality in two ways. The first measure is your 'sexual mean' - the center point for your orientation. On the 0 - 13 Epstein scale, where 0 is heterosexual and 13 is homosexual, my mean is 8. According to Epstein I'm just a shade to the gay side of being perfectly bi.
How can it be that I'm getting more straight with each test?
The second Epstein measure is your 'sexual range' - how far to either side of the mean your orientation ventures. My range is 7. This means that the only orientation I clearly am NOT is a zero, also known as, totally hetero.
Ok - so I've gone from being nearly totally gay to being almost completely straight??
These tests are a joke!
The ESOI range measure, especially, appears to be completely irrelevant. I'm shades of all sexualities except completely straight? Give me a break.
I am not impressed with these tests' methodologies. They do not use objective data. Anyone can easily skew the results by manipulating their answers.
The sex industry needs a new, objective measure of sexual orientation and I just happen to have recently developed one: The Cameron Test.
The Cameron Test is completely scientific. Here's how it works:
You get hooked up to sensors that measure your heart rate, blood pressure, perspiration and breathing rates. In other words, a polygraph.
To get base-line readings, you first review pictures of simple objects. Then, pictures of different animals. A cute bunny invokes a certain happy reaction, a bat hanging from a cave ceiling makes you wrinkle your nose. Eventually the pictures transition from animals to pictures of individual men and women.
In some pictures, the subjects are clothed, in others they are provocatively dressed and in some they are nude. Sometimes the pictures alternate between men and women. Sometimes they go in streaks of all women or all men. The subjects vary. Some are VERY hot, some are so ugly that you want to turn away.
In total, you are shown 100 pictures of men and women that run the gamut of looks and types and at the end you get a score that shows how much your body responded to pictures of men and how much it responded to pictures of women.
The beauty of the Cameron Test is that you can't fool yourself. You can't get the answer you want to get - your body betrays you and tells you what you truly desire.
I have a fun alternative to the polygraph-required Cameron Test. I call it "The Fuckable Test."
The test very simple and can be easily set-up on the Internet. It's just a blank screen with two images.
One image is an average-looking man, the other is an average-looking woman. The test-taker is prompted with a question: Which one do you most want to engage in some kind of sexual activity?
Straight guys, of course, will always choose the woman.
The next screen has two more pictures. Again, a man and a woman. Because the straight man chose the woman on the first screen, on this second screen the woman is less attractive than the first woman was. The man, however, is more attractive. Now which one does the straight guy want to fool around with?
The woman, of course.
The next screen shows an even less attractive woman and an even more attractive man. With each set of pictures the progression continues. Sooner or later a point is reached where the woman is so unattractive and the man is so hot that the straight test-taker capitulates. Generally speaking, the sooner he capitulates, the closer he is to being genuinely bisexual.
I love the idea of this test because it would be fascinating to see how far many 'straight' guys would go before they change their gender preference.
Who thinks I'll make millions if I create a "Fuckability" website? I figure every 15 year old on Facebook will force their friends to take the test so I should be a billionaire in no time.
I have one more test idea to share. It's a 'home' version of the Cameron Test.
It's very simple but you have to be honest and be comfortable with some level of bisexual desire because you have to score yourself.
In a highly populated place like a shopping mall, an airport or an amusement park, you count the number of men and women you'd be willing to fuck. Using your personal "fuckability" threshold for each gender, you tally the fuckables as you see them. When you get to 100 fuckables in total, you calculate a percentage. Five fuckable men and 95 fuckable women? Straight. 70 fuckable women and 30 fuckable men? Much closer to bi.
For myself, I know that I don't need to take a Cameron Test. Men overwhelmingly catch my eye.
The funny thing is, for me at least, orientation has nothing to do with who I fuck. I'm gay yet I have been married to a woman for 20 years and I haven't been with a man in seven years.
Maybe I'm now 100% straight???
Want to find out how bisexual you are? Here are some links:
Take the Klein Orientation quiz.
Take the Epstein Sexual Orientation Inventory.