In my last post I wrote about not knowing if my wife really wanted to separate or not. I was getting mixed signals from her and she was so busy with work that I couldn't find a good time to talk with her about it.
One of the reasons I was confused was because she had planned a weekend of activities for just the two of us - more time together than we had spent in months. "This is separation??" I wondered.
Well, it turns out that the idea of so much togetherness was too much for Gabbie. Almost out of the blue she said, "You put a lot of pressure on me."
"What do you mean?"
"You expect me to spend every minute with you."
I laughed. "That's not true! You know I never make you do anything you don't want to do."
Seizing the opportunity, I continued, "Besides, I'm a big boy. I can entertain myself. I can have a social life. I just don't think you would like it."
Then the big finish: "And I really don't think you would like it if I had a friend."
"I wouldn't be like that. Go ahead and do whatever you want to do."
So, just like that, I got the green light to start dating men.
Two days ago I took the first steps toward doing that. I posted a profile and a picture on OKCupid. If you'd like to find me, I'll tell you how to do it. First, you have to a free account with OKCupid. Second, do a nationwide search using the keyword "INTJ". That's my Myers-Briggs personality type. You'll get about five pages of other INTJ geeks. Mostly, we're an unattractive group. It's up to you to narrow down the prospects to find me. It's not hard. To make it even easier, I will tell you that I list my orientation as gay, not bisexual. Once you find me, be sure to send me a message professing your undying love.
If someone actually does send me a message, that would be a first. Now that I have finally burst on to the gay dating scene I get to face the cold, hard reality that no one gives a shit. Undoubtedly ya'll can look forward to years of me whining about never having a date.
Is my romantic marriage over? Honestly, I haven't completely come to terms with that. I'm still very skeptical about Gabbie's reaction if I ever do meet someone. There's a part of me that has this hope that some day soon she'll realize that she can't live without me. Even today she tangentially said something that put our marriage in the present tense, not the past. Ah! There is hope! My little brain thought. So we'll see. Saying that she doesn't care if I have a friend when there are no prospects is one thing. Dealing with a real homo husband who is actively dating men is another.