I have been told, and I believe, that NOTHING is more important when dating than confidence. Good looks and natural charm count for a lot, but confidence is essential.
Most of the time I am a confident person. But, as the weeks have ticked by since my wife and I separated, my dating confidence has been in a downward spiral. More and more, I feel completely lost.
I didn't start out this way. Yes, I had some concerns about my age and living situation, but there are a lot of fish in the ocean. I never had a problem meeting men in the past so I thought it was reasonable to expect one or two decent dates a month. But reality has hit home. I've had just one date (that wasn't anything like a date) in two months.
Although I'm disappointed to be doing so poorly, my bigger problem is that I don't know how to repair my confidence. That's why I feel lost.
Sometimes I think if I had just one modestly positive experience, it would do wonders for me. But everything I've tried so far has been a failure and my complete lack of success makes me more and more reluctant to make any effort at all.
Every day I try to motivate myself. The options run through my head: be more aggressive on dating sites, find more ways to meet people in person, focus on making friends. Every day I postpone or reject any action plan that pops into my head.
It dawned on me the other day that my last two posts about my "urban hipster" said far more about me than him. That realization has forced me to wonder if I have some kind of psychological block that is holding me back.
I also wonder if my expectations are too high. Maybe I'm older and/or more unattractive than I think I am.
Maybe I'm too comfortable in my straight life?
Maybe I lack the necessary "hunger" to date?
I just don't know. Nothing I've thought about seems right.
Feeling lost is a new sensation for me. I don't like it and my discomfort only makes my head spin faster.
Maybe I need to flail around like this for a while? Maybe I need to become so frustrated that I reach a tipping point, then I'll finally act in a decisive way. Maybe if I never act, that means I just don't want to be with a man badly enough?
At this point I think I need to protect my trampled ego. I don't have the fortitude to take any more disappointments in stride. What I need are some no pressure ways to meet men. Jason has made some good suggestions. Unfortunately all I do is makes excuses and tell myself why they won't work.
I need a really big kick in the ass and I just don't know how to do it. Any ideas?