I hadn't plan to write this post. On the whole I think issues related to the marriages of bisexual men are much more interesting than my spectacularly pathetic dating life. But because I have a reputation for being negative about my future I thought I'd better post something positive before my usual cynicism returns.
Last Thursday I added a face picture to an otherwise empty profile on Grindr. The response I've received since then has given me a much needed boost.
In my typical over-thinking way (I'll take too much thought over too little any day), I have logged the number of hours that I've spent on Grindr and how many different guys have initiated chats with me in that time.
In the face picture I chose I'm expressionless. It's intended to give me a baseline indication of how attractive other men think I am. In roughly 26 hours of idle Grindr time, I was messaged by 7 different guys. I have no idea if that is good, bad or average for a 45 year old, but, hell, it's way better than zero, and that is good enough for me.
A few days ago I changed the picture (but kept the empty profile) to a face and torso shot. I'm wearing sunglasses so the picture mostly emphasizes my body. In 23 hours of idle Grindr time thus far, I have been messaged by 17 different guys.
If I compare the response rate for each photo I can safely conclude that if I put a bag over my face and show just my body, I'm 2.5-3x as likely to be approached compared to having only a face picture. Do I care that a body shot makes me much more popular? NO. At this point, I'm just glad that anyone finds me attractivel.
Having never interacted on Grindr before, I didn't know what to expect. I had (and have) no intention of hooking-up with anyone so I honestly expected to be immediately blocked as soon as I said as much. And that did happen, once. Rather shockingly everyone else has at least been polite and a number of guys have been chatty. Only one guy of the 24 total said he's more interested in finding a relationship than a hook-up, but hey, it's Grindr.
In addition to receiving a number of unsolicited compliments, my ego was further buoyed by the fact that 70% of the guys who messaged me were younger. This is a case of the tail wagging the dog, to some extent, because roughly 70% of the guys on Grindr are younger, BUT, I am not complaining. In fact (and maybe I'm delusional here) I think, if I had been willing to hook-up, I could have gotten naked with a (supposed) 18yo, a (hot) 24yo, a 27yo, a 31yo and a 32yo. Not that I'm keeping track, of course.
The most interesting conversation I had was with a married guy who looked to be very near my age. He had no picture in his profile but he sent me one. He was good looking and just my type. Best of all (at least to him) he was less than a mile away. He made it clear that he wanted to get down to business right away. Oh wow, was I tempted. But I didn't tell him so. Instead I politely said I couldn't meet. Then I asked if he lived in the area. No, he was passing through. He then told me the location of the three houses where he does live. All of them were in very expensive locations. I'm not sure why he told me that, probably because it's fun to brag, and yes he could totally be lying, but I don't think so. Anyway, it doesn't really matter. What does matter is that I found myself thinking, "Goodlooking, my type, my age, AND a member of the 0.5%? Yes, I WILL be your fuck buddy."
I'm not sure if I'm glad to know that I can be tempted by sex and money, but apparently it's a fact.
On the other hand, I haven't been pouting about that missed opportunity so that says something. Still thinking about it makes me smile.
Anyway, as I said in my last post, all I've needed was SOME kind of validation that someone finds me attractive. Well that's happened and it's given me the confidence I needed. Now I know, in a worst case scenario, that no matter how many times I get ignored or rejected on a "real" dating site, I can always hop on Grindr. And once there for an hour or so, I can find a local guy who wants to make me his cheap whore. Thank God for Grindr.