I can't make it an iron-clad promise, but I have a feeling this blog is going to become much more interesting in the coming weeks.
In January I started trying to date men. Since that time I've posted one update on my progress, Sex? Yes! Coffee? No!!!, and that was on February 11th. If you read that entry you'll see that I had a 90% strike out rate when I contacted potential dates on a relationship-oriented dating site. Now, three and a half months later, I can report better progress; I've had nine first dates and one second date.
For some unknown reason, since shortly after mid-February, I've been attracting a steady stream of attention. Because I know how it feels to message someone and be ignored, I have responded to nearly everyone. In fact, six of the nine dates I've had were with guys who contacted me first.
I'm very happy to say that I haven't had a bad date yet, just one somewhat uncomfortable one. Every other guy has been fun, intelligent, interesting and easy to talk to.
The one uncomfortable date was a total surprise. Based on our profiles we should have been an excellent match. What made me uncomfortable was the way he questioned me. I can't pinpoint if it was his phrasing, his intonation, his attitude, or something else, but the more questions he asked, the worse I felt about myself. I left the cafe feeling about two feet tall. It was very strange because he was never rude or overtly demeaning. Whatever. If that's the worst date I ever have, I'll consider myself very lucky.
The sad news is that I only had one date where I felt a twinge of sexual attraction. Even he got a "well, maybe..." With everyone else I was happy to talk to them, and I found them interesting, but that was it. Hence the lack of second dates.
After so many asexual dates I've begun to wonder if I'm one of those people who is destined to be single. I know that being an introvert can be a challenge when trying to connect with new people, but I give myself high marks when it comes to using nervousness to my advantage. I've been able to direct nervous energy into asking lots of questions and to being less passive than I typically would be. With the exception of the uncomfortable date, none of the conversations have been awkward, tedious or boring.
I just don't know what to make of all these platonic dates. Is it me? Is it them? Is it us? Is it normal? I guess if I go on enough first dates I'll eventually feel a spark and then suddenly I'll understand.
Until that happens I'll always have this nagging worry that my marriage was the best relationship I'll ever have.