Friday, June 1, 2012

Dating Update

I can't make it an iron-clad promise, but I have a feeling this blog is going to become much more interesting in the coming weeks.

In January I started trying to date men.  Since that time I've posted one update on my progress, Sex? Yes! Coffee? No!!!, and that was on February 11th.  If you read that entry you'll see that I had a 90% strike out rate when I contacted potential dates on a relationship-oriented dating site.  Now, three and a half months later, I can report better progress; I've had nine first dates and one second date.

For some unknown reason, since shortly after mid-February, I've been attracting a steady stream of attention.  Because I know how it feels to message someone and be ignored, I have responded to nearly everyone.  In fact, six of the nine dates I've had were with guys who contacted me first. 

I'm very happy to say that I haven't had a bad date yet, just one somewhat uncomfortable one.  Every other guy has been fun, intelligent, interesting and easy to talk to.

The one uncomfortable date was a total surprise.  Based on our profiles we should have been an excellent match.  What made me uncomfortable was the way he questioned me.  I can't pinpoint if it was his phrasing, his intonation, his attitude, or something else, but the more questions he asked, the worse I felt about myself.  I left the cafe feeling about two feet tall.  It was very strange because he was never rude or overtly demeaning.  Whatever.  If that's the worst date I ever have, I'll consider myself very lucky.

The sad news is that I only had one date where I felt a twinge of sexual attraction.  Even he got a "well, maybe..."  With everyone else I was happy to talk to them, and I found them interesting, but that was it.  Hence the lack of second dates.

After so many asexual dates I've begun to wonder if I'm one of those people who is destined to be single.  I know that being an introvert can be a challenge when trying to connect with new people, but I give myself high marks when it comes to using nervousness to my advantage.  I've been able to direct nervous energy into asking lots of questions and to being less passive than I typically would be.  With the exception of the uncomfortable date, none of the conversations have been awkward, tedious or boring.

I just don't know what to make of all these platonic dates.  Is it me?  Is it them?  Is it us?  Is it normal?  I guess if I go on enough first dates I'll eventually feel a spark and then suddenly I'll understand.

Until that happens I'll always have this nagging worry that my marriage was the best relationship I'll ever have.


  1. It's a numbers game. You are doing the right thing by moving out of your comfort zone and searching. Paul went on probably 50 coffee dates before finding me. I was lucky at about 10 dates before I found him. Keep trying, it will happen.

    1. Thanks for the encouragement Bill. One day I hope to be as fortunate as you and Paul.

  2. I had about 10 dates with people who looked attractive and chatted well. Some people seem much different in person. I was only attracted to one, but it didn't work for him. Then I met T and that was 6 years ago. He's perfect for me and worth the effort. Ron

    1. Number 11 was the magical one with T? I hope 11 is my lucky number too. Thanks for the encouragement Ron!

  3. Here are two suggestions:

    1. Do a detailed statistical analysis of the dating so we can see if progress is being made and study the etiology of the failed dates.

    2. At the end of each date give the person a postage paid survey form so they can give you feedback and a rating on the date.

    1. If I did a detailed statistical analysis would you really study the etiology of the dates??? Or are you teasing me?

      I love the postage-paid survey idea, but wouldn't it be a little awkward to hand out at survey at the end of each date?

      This comment proves that you are at least one step ahead of me. If you liked this post just wait until I *really* dazzle you with the next one.