Recently I was trolling through Youtube, looking for anything new or interesting in the world of b'gay film. It's easy to burn a few hours there watching various short films, foreign soap operas (who knew the Spanish were so b'gay friendly?) and bootlegged copies of feature films.
One feature I stumbled across had the label "KTB" and starred Tori Spelling. I'm not really a fan of hers, but, whatever.
The opening sequence for this movie is horrible - and Tori Spelling isn't even in it. It begins in an office setting where a gay man and a lesbian (a Margaret Cho rip-off) take turns bitching about all the gay and lesbian weddings they've recently been invited to attend. Their much-too-long-and-annoying "sassy" dialogue is follow by a photo montage of gay wedding invitations, groom and groom cakes, and bride and bride dress fittings. As all this dragged on, I was beginning to wonder if Tori Spelling was going to be the highlight of the film. "What the hell am I watching?" I wondered. "This must be a one-star Lifetime movie."
Well, it turns out that the movie gets better. Much, much better. It's still a flawed and cheesy romantic comedy, but within that genre, it's better than any other similar b'gay movie that I've seen. Seriously.
I'm not going to tell you anything about the movie's plot. I think watching it "blind" the way I did is ideal. Don't read any summaries or reviews. Just go here, patiently endure the first 20 minutes or so, and see what you think. Do that now and then come back afterward because I'd like to share a few interesting facts about the film.
The name of the movie is "Kiss the Bride" and, as near as I can tell, it was released in theaters in 2008. IMBD says that it grossed a whopping $31,937 and cost $500,000 to make. Talk about a flop.
If you've watched the movie you may have recognized the actor Steve Sandvoss. He's a gay icon because he played the closeted Mormon guy in one of the biggest b'gay movies of all time, Latter Days. It turns out that Sandvoss' participation in KTB was not coincidental. "Kiss the Bride" is, sort of, a "Latter Days" sequel. KTB was co-written, directed and produced by C. Jay Cox, the same guy who wrote, directed and produced "Latter Days."
Now, just because the guy made one good b'gay movie doesn't guarantee the next one will be good too, but, after watching "Kiss the Bride" blind, I don't think that movie deserved to be as big of a flop as it was. Yes, the whole premise for the film is deeply flawed, and the first third is awful, but I think the rest of the movie is unique and surprisingly entertaining. I also think that what doomed the movie was the ending. What demographic is going to tell their friends to see it? Only b'gays like me. Too bad there aren't many of us around, and even when we are, we don't make movie recommendations like this to our friends. Except on blogs like this.
Enough about KTB.
Here are some of my other favorites in b'gay entertainment. If you'd like to share your favorites, especially something new or obscure, please do so in the comment box below.
Favorite Film: Shelter
Favorite "Real-life" Story: Fraternity Memoirs
"John Walsh" shares a number of very hot and supposedly true stories in this serial, but there's one chapter in particular that is the hottest story ever. Definitely a must-read. I also have to give honorable mention to "Adam Phillips'" Cross Currents. Good stuff.
Favorite "No, they're not gay" Book: A Separate Peace
Now that the author John Knowles is dead, someone should write a blasphemous sequel where the married and 40-something Gene is forced out of the closet after having a torrid affair with a young male student who bears an uncanny resemblance to Phinny.
Favorite Gay Book: The Boys on the Rock
I know, I know...I need to read The Front Runner...
Favorite B'gay Soap Opera Story: Todd and Karl on Coronation Street
I'm not really into soap operas, but this was surprisingly entertaining.
Favorite Short Story: Brokeback Mountain
I read Annie Proulx's original story years before the movie came out. The movie is very loyal to her work, but I think part of the reason such an awesome story has become a cultural joke is because Jake Gyllenhaal was miscast as Jack Twist. Unlike Heath Ledger, he's never believable as a real cowboy. Gyllenhaal's lack of authenticity feminizes his character and that changes everything. If you're able to read Proulx's story without picturing Gyllenhaal, hopefully you'll see what I mean.
Favorite Short Film: Downing
I haven't watched every b'gay film on Youtube yet, but this one was quite memorable, which is not true of so many others.
Favorite Amateur Porn:
I'm reluctant to share some of my favorite amateur porn videos because I try to keep this blog on the straight and narrow. (I know, just humor me.) However, because the topic is "favorites in b'gay entertainment" such recommendations would seem to be appropriate.
I'm not saying these the hottest videos you'll ever see. What's impressive is that I actually remember them; most porn is forgettable and generic to me. In decreasing order of hotness: video one, video two, video three. The last one is too long, the last 2.5 minutes is the good stuff. What I find so hot about these are the sounds. I guess I'm an aural pervert.
By the way, none of the guys are gay. They're just "curious."