This is the third year in a row that I started dating in February. Kind of weird.
The first year I gave up after a month. I met two guys and quit soon after because I realized my heart wasn't in it. I'd only been separated from my wife for six weeks and wasn't emotionally ready to move on from her.
The second year I dated for about ten weeks. That went better. I had nine first dates and met Dean, a guy my same age who also had three kids. Unfortunately, he wasn't ready for a relationship and after four months we broke up. It took me about six weeks to get over him and by then the holidays were starting.
So far this year I've been dating for a month. What's odd is that I've only had one date, yet there are more guys who say they're interested in me than ever. A lot of the problem is me; dating just isn't fun. I find myself frequently making excuses not to contact anyone for days or weeks at a time. I use excuses like, "I'll be busy next weekend so I should wait a week to contact anyone." Or, "I don't want to juggle multiple guys. I need to wait until I know what's going on with X before I contact anyone else." I don't know why I'm not more motivated.
Dating this year has been an experience - and not a particularly good one.
As I said, I got off to a solid start; posting a new profile is always good for attention (fresh meat!) Within the first few days I had three dates set-up with guys who I was attracted to and who said they were attracted to me. In my experience having that mutual-attraction thing online is not very common. I was pretty psyched.
My first date was with a guy I probably wouldn't have contacted on my own, however, he was reasonably attractive and his profile was decent so we set-up a date. At his suggestion we met for dinner. I thought that was a nice change from the usual coffee date.
We happened to arrive at the restaurant at exactly the same time and in the three seconds that it took to say hello and shake hands, I decided that we had no future together. Is that harsh? Well, it's human nature. We all makes quick judgments when we meet someone new. But that phenomenon aside, I had good reasons for not being attracted to him. First, he was significantly older than his profile stated. That was a double turn-off, once because he was a lot less attractive than his picture suggested, and second, because he lied. The third reason I was turned off was because it looked like he was wearing eye liner. I could be wrong about that, but even if I am, the way he carried himself was much more feminine than I expected. I try to be open-minded about the whole masculine/feminine thing, but with so many of my expectations dashed within the first few seconds, I couldn't help but be disappointed.
After saying hello we quickly settled into a relaxed, interesting conversation, so that was good. But then he annoyed me by making a big deal about his fake age. It was bad enough that he lied before meeting me, but to keep drawing attention to that lie? Lame.
Soon after that he irritated me again by ordering too much food for us. Thankfully, once the ordering was done, the conversation flowed easily as we discussed a number of interesting topics. What I'll always remember was that he was about 55 years old, but the longest relationship of his life had only lasted four and a half years. And worse, that relationship was with a married man. His longest full-time relationship lasted three years. Depressing.
The other thing I'll always remember about this date was how, late in the meal, he informed me that he was unemployed and money was a big worry. Really? Is that why he wanted to meet for dinner instead of coffee? So I could pay for a meal? He never explicitly asked me to pay, but clearly that's what he expected; he didn't even bother to politely protest when I offered to do so.
All of this negative stuff may make it sound like it was a horrible date but it wasn't. More than anything it was sad; sad that a man of his age had spent so much of his life alone, that he was so broke that he had to trick me into paying for a meal, and that he felt so compelled to lie about his age. Needless to say, I won't be seeing him again.
Date number two was scheduled for a Saturday, at 1pm. This was the date I was most excited about. I really liked the guy's profile and I thought we had the potential to be a good match. Unfortunately, at about 8am that morning he emailed and said, with profuse apologies, that a work meeting had been scheduled at the last minute and he couldn't meet. He also said - and this is an exact quote - "Would you be able to switch our coffee to tomorrow? I'm really sorry
about having to ask. I know it makes me look like a complete flake
and/or that I'm not really interested -- both of which aren't true. Feel free to call if that's easier. My number is XXX-XXX-XXXX."
"No problem," I told him and I offered a couple of alternative times for the next day. Although he gave me his cell number, I didn't want to call while he was working, so we emailed back and forth twice more that day but couldn't make anything work. Late the next day I sent another message suggesting some days and times for the following week. Well guess what? I haven't heard from him since and it's been two weeks.
Date number three should have been a slam-dunk. The guy responded to my first email very quickly but the second reply was much slower. In an attempt to rekindle his interest, I told him that we work on the same small street in the suburbs, less than a half mile apart. He immediately responded to that information and said, "We definitely have to think about meeting for a drink then." THINK about meeting? Whatever. At that point I wrote him off.
Then, about two weeks later, I walked into the local grocery store and there he was. Because I assumed he wasn't interested, I deliberately avoided making eye contact with him. If he didn't want to talk to me then the last thing I wanted was an awkward conversation in the middle of the grocery store I use every day. Well, wouldn't you know it, but the instant he sees me, he walks right up and says, "I know you! You look exactly like your picture!" We chatted for a few minutes, long enough for him to tell me how dating wasn't going well for him. "It's so frustrating," he said, "Every time I meet someone and have a good conversation, I never hear from them again." This guy was also more flamboyant than I would have preferred, however he was very friendly and easy to talk to. He's someone I could imagine being friends with. When our conversation came to a natural lull, I suggested that we should set-up a time to talk more in-depth. He then immediately suggested a hike for the upcoming Saturday, and I said, "Great," and we finalized the time and location. As we parted he said, "I'm going to email you tonight to confirm those details. See you on Saturday!" That was at about 6:30pm. Did he email that night? No. And, in fact, he hasn't emailed since. On the Thursday before the scheduled hike I emailed him, just to confirm that we were still going to meet. He never replied.
Gay dating stories like these are hardly shocking. If anything, they're the norm, not just for me but for many other formerly married men. Because I know there are a lot of flakes out there, I really shouldn't be surprised by this behavior, and I'm not. What I find so amazing is how these guys repeatedly lie about everything, even when they don't need to. It's as if they go out of their way to make complete asses out of themselves.
Can someone explain to me why I want to date men again??