A straight wife told me about this. I don't know if this was actually posted or if it's an urban legend. Either way, it's an interesting read...
Dear ex-husband...I would like to clear up some of the lies and
mis-information you have been feeding people since you have discovered
Facebook and attended your recent high school reunion:
1) I did not "cheat on you" and cause the breakup of our marriage. We
had been separated for the better part of a year, and I had already
filed divorce papers. Even before we were separated, we had sex MAYBE
once or twice a month for 3 years (BAD sex at that). I did "have an
itch", as I have seen you put it, and since you weren't scratching it, I
called up my old fuck-buddy and he took care of business. BTW, he had
no problem at all cumming from oral...so fuck you for making me think it
was my problem when it was clearly yours.
2) Thank you for blaming all your social shortcomings on me. You have
told multiple people that I never wanted to hang out with any of your
friends, and that's why you had lost contact with them over the years.
Bullshit. You are just cheap and no fun. If it involved travel, money,
or staying out past 7:00pm, then you weren't interested. You also didn't
like having people over to our house because we would have to feed them
(which costs money) and most of them have kids (which you hate...funny,
you're a TEACHER).
3) You told one ex-girlfriend that after we got married, I "turned into
Martha Stewart". Yes, asking you to pick up your own dirty clothes, Diet
Pepsi cans, and bath towels and put them in their proper places was
TOTALLY batshit crazy of me. How dare I want to live in a
semi-respectable home and not a trash heap.
4) I will let you continue to tell people I am remarried to "some geek I
met on the internet", as that is completely true. However, you should
also tell them that he is goddamn AMAZING in bed. Just this morning I
woke up to him gently massaging my ass; before I knew it he was pulling
my hair as I was gagging on his fat cock. You can fill in the blanks as
to what happened next...oh wait, no you can't, because all you know how
to do is a couple thrusts in the missionary position before your tiny,
weird-looking little penis dribbles out its contents. And for the love
of God (since you can't seem to figure it out on your own OR from my
guidance), watch some porn and learn how to locate the clitoris.
5) Go ahead and crow to everyone how you "got to keep the house". Just
so we're clear, I LET you keep the house, and I better not find out that
I'm still on the mortgage. You were supposed to take care of that 8
weeks after our divorce was finalized. I let you slide last year when I
found out I was still on there and gave you extra time to take care of
it (even though it should have been done in 2006). If I'm still on that
loan, then I'm calling my lawyer.
6) You have conveniently neglected to tell all of these people that you
are gay. You can keep telling yourself that you're straight, but anyone
who likes to let men suck his dick AND reciprocates is, in fact,
homosexual. Thanks for letting me find out that little tidbit after we
got married instead of before, cocksucker. And don't EVEN try to say
you're bi, because you made it evident to me over the years that you
hate tits and vagina. I love me some gay men, but I didn't want to be
married to one.
7) You mentioned that I hated spending time with your
family...completely true. They were weird as hell, and still are for all
So I guess that ends my rant. If you want to tell your friends anything
else about me, then tell them I'm very happy with my internet-geek
husband and new, normal, sane in-laws. Just so you know, this is the
only place I have talked trash about you since our divorce. If telling
people all that shit about me makes you feel better, then more power to
you. I just better be off that mortgage, or else you will have some
really good stories to tell.
P.S.-change your passwords, stupid.