Sex sells. Everyone knows that.
If the point of blogging is to be read (or viewed) by the most people, then the most successful blogs are the ones that skip words entirely and instead share lots of sexy pictures, like this one:
Tumblr's relatively quick success compared to Blogger is proof of this, as are other popular websites, like Instagram and Snapchat, which focus entirely on pictures - many of them x-rated.
I like sexy pictures as much as the next guy, and I know if I posted loads of them here every day, I'd get a lot more attention. But attention isn't really what motivates me to blog.
I did take it as a compliment, however, when several readers asked me earlier this year to please stop writing so frequently about bi men and straight wives and start writing more about myself. "I want to hear about YOU!" they said.
In response to that feedback, from the end of August until now, nearly every post has been about me.
Well, guess what? Visits to the blog have plummeted. They've consecutively dropped every month since August and are now down 62% from that month. December will have the fewest pageviews since my third month of blogging, which was more than three years ago. Clearly, not many people are interested in reading about my life, at least in its present state.
That's ok. The truth is, I don't have a lot going on.
My plan for 2014, therefore, is to return to writing about bi men and their wives. If something eventful happens in my personal life, I may share that, but for the most part I'll be posting other people's stories. I'm sorry if that offends or bores anyone, but I think it's a very worthy endeavor. Almost no one writes about mixed orientation couples on the Internet, yet there are hundreds of thousands of people in exactly that kind of relationship. Unquestionably the subject deserves a great deal more discussion and introspection. I'd like to do what I can to help make that happen.
With that said, and because this is my last post for 2013, it's an ideal time for me to tie up a few loose ends in my story...
My Big News
Charlie, my former wife's dangerous ex-boyfriend, had an immigration hearing on December 18th. Prior to the hearing he got a friend to post a bond for him. Because of the bond, and other promises made with it, the friend had been bragging to his fellow alcoholics that Charlie was going to be released. Well, since the hearing, that same friend has changed his story. He now says Charlie will definitely be deported.
What the friend says is only hearsay, so until Charlie is confirmed to be out of the country, I won't be able to relax or celebrate. But just imagining that I'll never see him again is an awesome feeling. I can't wait until he's officially out of my life forever.
Gabbie & Me
As I described in the post Gabbie Gets a Restraining Order, my failure to get Charlie deported three years ago was what prompted me to come out to my wife (for the second time) and ask for a separation. I did that because she went back on her promise to be done with him. After tolerating their outrageous behavior for four years, I'd had enough.
But now that Gabbie really is done with Charlie I've found myself wanting to reunite with her. There are a lot of good, practical reasons to keep a 23 year marriage together, and more than that, I still feel deeply connected to her in a way I've never felt about anyone else. She's not perfect and neither am I, so maybe the best thing to do is to focus on our good connection and forget about the bad stuff? What's wrong with spending the rest of your life partnered to your best friend?
I've been seriously wrestling with these thoughts for the past three months but I haven't acted on them. I have, however, noticed that Gabbie's very platonic attitude toward me has not changed in Charlie's absence. This in turn has reminded me that NOT ONCE, EVER, has Gabbie expressed a desire for us to reunite. Also, the fact that she so easily fell into a relationship with such a loser, and so easily forsook me, is very telling about how she felt (and clearly still feels) about our less-than-stellar sexual connection. It takes two motivated people to make a marriage work and nothing Gabbie has said or done suggests that she's interested in patching things up.
I wish I could achieve some inner peace or closure with respect to the end of our marriage, but I'm starting to accept that that may never happen. Real life is often vague and messy, unlike movies or books or TV shows. "Shit happens" might seem like a stupid way to describe the end of a long-term marriage, but at this point, that's the best answer I have. "Shit" exemplifies the bad, painful stuff and "happens" explains that there was no carefully thought out plan.
Anyway, regardless of how mixed my feelings are about her, the bottom line is that Gabbie and I will not be reuniting. My heart may not like that outcome but my brain says, in the long-run, that's almost certainly what's best for both of us.
I stopped trying to date men more than six months ago. I wasn't enjoying the process so my motivation to keep going faded. At this point, I have to admit that I'm enjoying NOT dating a lot more than trying to date.
This realization has made me wonder if I'm destined to be single forever.
If so, so be it.
My theory on motivation is that people take action when they're ready. Until then, we lie around or make excuses or philosophize or pretend we're too busy to make changes. Sometimes we live in fear of change, which is sort of where I've been.
I was mostly motivated to date because I was afraid of being single and over 50 ('cuz we all know it's downhill from there). I haven't overcome that fear, but I've realized that being a full-time, responsible, "present" parent is more important to me. I used to feel horribly guilty about going out on leap-of-faith dates and leaving my kids home alone. Now I'm happier not having that conflict.
Because my youngest kid is currently in 8th grade I have several more years to go before she's independent. It's therefore possible that I won't have many (or any) dates to blog about for a long time to come. The good news is that fewer readers means there's less pressure on me to write about myself. Knowing that makes me happier too.
I hope I don't sound sad or negative about my future because I actually don't feel that way. The right stuff will happen when I'm ready for it. In the meantime, I have plenty of unblog-worthy things to do that will keep me busy.
Let's all have an awesome 2014. That's certainly what I intend to do.