Saturday, January 26, 2013

"Fraternity Memoirs" - The Unpublished Finale

In a prior post I wrote about my favorite Internet story, Fraternity Memoirs.  It's a mostly-true tale about a college freshman and his crazy sexual experiences when he pledged a fraternity in the mid-'90s.  Written under the pen name of "John Walsh", the story has become a time-tested classic.  Although the last chapter was published in 2003, fans continue to scour the Internet on a daily basis hoping to find new installments.

When I wrote about Fraternity Memoirs recently, at least two younger bloggers checked it out and found themselves loving it too.  The story really is captivating, not only because of the very hot sex, but also because of the people involved.  They're real and the more you read, the more you want to know about them and what happens next.

Another reason Fraternity Memoirs has been so enduring is because it ends with a cliff-hanger: "to be continued..."  Only it never does!  The author, Walsh, had been posting new installments every few weeks and then, boom, he stopped writing without warning.  He had a huge number of fans, many of whom were severely disappointed that he wanted to retire.  For months they badgered him to publish a final installment and provide closure for the story and the characters.  Eventually he gave in.  Sort of.

Five months after publishing his last installment, Walsh agreed to be the "guest author" on an Internet chat session where he promised to finish the story.  The session was to be Walsh's big finale.  He wanted to take a bow and disappear, which is exactly what he did.

Because of the recent questions I received about Fraternity Memoirs, I decided to do some digging to see if I could find a log of Walsh's final chat session, and luckily, I found it!

The original log is very long and convoluted because it contains comments and channel notices of more than 50 participants in addition to Walsh.  To cut the length and make Walsh's story easier to follow, I have done some substantial editing. I've deleted most of the channel "noise" and rearranged a few sections to make the conversation flow more logically.  I could have edited it even more aggressively, and shared only the essential facts, but I kept a few of Walsh's funny exchanges because they make him real, which is very important because he's the hero of the story.

There are 23 published chapters of Fraternity Memoirs.  Most guys are hooked after the first installment, but trust me, they get hotter and more addictive from there.  Because I'm posting Walsh's *almost* final words below, I STRONGLY suggest that anyone who is curious about the story check it out before reading the log.  You can read all 23 installments HERE.

You might now be asking, "What's up with you saying that these are *almost* Walsh's final words?"

Well...thanks to a reader's comment below, I was able to find the extremely elusive three-part update he provided in June of 2006, more than two years after what he said below.  Although those truly were his final words about the story, the events he describes mostly take place BEFORE what he talks about below.  For that reason, if you want to read his story in chronological order, you should read THIS first, then read the chat log below.

Because Walsh has stopped by this blog at least once, I need to say: John, please let me know if you'd like anything below changed or removed.

Welcome to #niftywriters - In Honor of JustinCase our founder - Friend and Mentor (1956-2003)
Welcome Guest Author John Walsh on Saturday April 18 2004, 8 to 10 pm EDT

[John_e] Lots of people here already, huh?
[John_e] there is no OTHER "John Walsh"
[John_e] Though that's not really my name
[John_e] so I can't complain
[John_e] Like Leonardo, "I'm King of the world"
[John_e] or King of this room at least, for two hours...
[kip] lol

[kip] Welcome to nifty writers, it is my pleasure to welcome John Walsh our guest author of the classic Fraternity Memoirs

[kip] John how did you discover Nifty?
[John_e] Hmmm
[John_e] I was in Atlanta
[John_e] lonely
[John_e] horny
[John_e] and just hit it in a porn search
[Randu] how long ago was that?
[John_e] I moved to Atlanta without knowing anyone
[John_e] end of 99
[John_e] I moved because of a job, I got transferred down there

[kip] what started you or inspired you to write?
[John_e] I read like all the stories in a month ;)
[John_e] and stories just started to suck
[John_e] and no new good ones
[John_e] and I was complaining to the screen
[John_e] and then I was like well, like the pot calling the kettle black
[John_e] you haven't written anything
[John_e] so I started writing my story
[John_e] and as they say, the rest is history
[John_e] I had no idea, three years later, here I'd be

[kip] do you consider it to be autobiographical?
[John_e] yes, autobiographical
[John_e] about 80% of it true

[topcat_msu] what were you hoping to accomplish for yourself by writing the story...meaning, it had to be therapeutic in a way...were there reasons for going back in time?
[John_e] my intent was never to get into as much as I did
[John_e] it was going to be 3 or 4 chapters
[John_e] all sex (I hated story stories, I was at Nifty to get off)
[John_e] but when I sat down to write the first chapter
[John_e] I wrote 40 pages and no sex
[John_e] so I posted it and was like next chapter, all sex, I even said so at the end of the first chapter
[John_e] then another chapter, no sex
[John_e] My mind just started down memory lane
[John_e] I loved looking back and reliving, and it became a self journey
[John_e] it was therapeutic as there was a dark place in my mind, I don't look back often, and the story came out of that

[blah] John, can you talk a little about the special connection you often mentioned in regards to Kevin? esp the one time I guess you guys were on ecstacy and you had an epiphany or something...?
[John_e] OK, blah
[John_e] on Ecstacy, with Kevin
[John_e] hopefully you know how you feel on Ecstacy
[John_e] it was the first time that I realized that I was in love with Kevin
[John_e] and I told him that night
[DC] whoa
[John_e] it was actually the first time that I actually "loved" anyone
[ded1156] I dont remember that chapter
[John_e] it wasn't a chapter
[blah] it wasn't in the story
[John_e] it was in the synopsis
[John_e] maybe a chat
[John_e] gave some future details
[kip] oh i see

[blah] and how did Kevin respond?
[John_e] "I love you too"
[John_e] but not like for real
[John_e] and I said no, "I really love you"
[John_e] he mostly shrugged it off
[blah] so it wasn't reciprocated?
[John_e] he was not rolling
[John_e] this is first semester sophomore year, for a time line

[Bill_P] It appeared to me Kevin only got involved when "he wanted" and only for "his sexual satisfactions" Right John???
[John_e] its more complicated than that, Bill
[John_e] I think he did love me, but just couldn't fess up to it

[blah] so did this freak him out? or was he just unaffected by what you said?
[John_e] yeah, partly, but wasn't the loving kind, if you know what I mean
[John_e] just the way he is. and trust, me neither was I. I didn't want a relationship either, it was just the feeling of I love this guy, very much, like no one else
[John_e] and it took ecstasy for me to allow myself to understand that

[blah] John, were you in love w/anyone else in college besides Kevin?
[John_e] yes, I was, blah
[John_e] different loves, but yes.
[John_e] I loved Adam
[John_e] I loved Matt
[John_e] and a yet to be introduced character
[Bill_P] oooo the plot thickens! :u
[John_e] lol, Bill
[John_e] there are many characters to be introduced
[John_e] remember, its only my freshman year

[blah] John, so besides Kevin and Adam, were those the only characters in the story you had sexual relations with?
[John_e] depends on you definition of relations, blah
[John_e] I had sex with Adam one night only
[John_e] spring break sophomore year
[John_e] no, it wasn't spring break
[John_e] it was a couple of weeks b4 spring break
[John_e] but we were in Florida
[John_e] Daytona
[Bill_P] Yeah that's when you kidnapped Adam!
[John_e] yes, the kidnapping Adam story

[bath34] what is all this about an Adam story?
[topcat_msu] after john stopped writing last may, he wrote a few short synopsis of some of the story he hadn't told yet and posted it in an online group
[topcat_msu] i think there were three of them, one of which detailed a trip he and adam took to florida together
[John_e] the synopsis doesn't go far enough
[John_e] I wrote about Kevin messing with other people
[John_e] and me cathing him
[John_e] people meaning dudes
[bath34] with who?
[John_e] not important
[bath34] k
[John_e] and many of you thought that was the big "drama"
[John_e] it wasn't
[John_e] it hurt me though
[John_e] cause I thought that it was something special between us
[John_e] but I was wrong
[John_e] but I got over that
[bath34] good for you.

[blah] Who else did you fool around with?
[John_e] I physically messed around with Matt once
[John_e] but we did not fuck
[John_e] and Matt was at woodstock 99
[blah] Did it change your relationship w/matt (as friends)?
[John_e] no, Matt and I are still best friends
[John_e] we left it at woodstock, never discussed

[Bill_P] CJ as well??
[John_e] I did have a summer fling with CJ
[blah] holy shit!
[DC] big dicked CJ?
[kip] oh wow
[John_e] I have a good part of CJ written
[bath34] what does "fling" mean?
[blah] so much left... god damn you for stopping this story!! (kidding) :)
[John_e] summer before my Jr year
[John_e] CJ was supposed to go home
[John_e] I stayed up at the House
[John_e] CJs internship fell through
[John_e] so he stayed at the House but had no room
[John_e] he stayed with me
[John_e] for the summer
[John_e] he found a gay porn that I had
[John_e] he said it was in the VCR
[John_e] but I was pretty damn protective with that tape
[John_e] I think he was snooping
[John_e] so I had to deal with that...and a couple of drunk nights later
[John_e] we were in bed together
[John_e] but I really didn't want to, this was after the Adam and me thing turned bad and I didn't want that to happen with CJ

[John_e] this is a little embarrassing, talking to you live like this
[kip] well we want you to be comfortable John.
[Bill_P] Johnny... You are amongst friends here... Please..

[blah] what did you and CJ do? how did he handle it, after?
[John_e] first few times I just sucked CJ off
[John_e] the he started jerking nme off
[blah] oh, it was more than once w/CJ?
[bath34] fling, remember!!
[John_e] and evetually we fucked a few times
[DC] daaaaaaaaaamn, boy
[Bill_P] WOW my hat is off to you Johnny.
[bath34] did he bottom for you?
[John_e] yeah, the first time was rough, trust me
[blah] did he kiss, as well?
[DC] i can imagine (from the way you've described CJ's equipment)
[John_e] no kissing at first, but eventually he did
[John_e] but just in the heat of the moment
[John_e] we never kissed when we weren't drunk and in the heat of it all

[blah] were you able to maintain the friendship w/CJ after this summer?
[John_e] yeah, CJ was very cool about it

[steal] Can you tell us more about the thing with Adam?
[John_e] Adam is a very complicated person
[John_e] I'd say Adam is 80% straight
[John_e] the remaining 20% haunts him
[John_e] he was ready to graduate
[John_e] ready to go into the State Trooper academy
[John_e] ready to marry
[John_e] I think if I met Adam as a freshman, both of us freshman
[John_e] his life would be a lot different
[John_e] but you can't think that way, cause there had to be a "Kevin" in the mix
[John_e] so life is what it is

[DC] well . . . . I hate to denigrate Kevin . . . . . because, he's an intelligent guy
[DC] but if he's intelligent and not a complete bastard, didn't he realize what such a powerful sexual affect, being your first, was likely to happen? I mean, you guys were friends, too?
[John_e] Kevin is many people at one time
[John_e] concerned about himself only, really
[John_e] on the outside
[John_e] but he has this way of making you feel so special, even when he's shitting on you
[John_e] so I catch Kevin with another dude
[John_e] we get over it, he messes around, so I mess around with a few guys on campus
[John_e] this is the end of soph year
[John_e] but Kevin and I still get together
[John_e] first semester Jr year I am pledge master
[John_e] loved being pledge master
[John_e] I was evil
[John_e] but that's not the story
[EroticDreams] lol
[van_sama] lol
[John_e] early second semester
[Bill_P] I doubt that was true John.
[John_e] you have no idea till you are pledgemaster!
[John_e] the spirit takes over you
[John_e] and bam, you are mean as shit
[John_e] trust me, I was the baddest PM that frat ever saw, I'm known for it and surprised everyone

[John_e] so early Jr year
[John_e] at a party
[John_e] a newly initiated guy named Brian
[John_e] says he needs to talk to me
[John_e] I knew him since a freshman
[John_e] but he didn't pledge till he was a soph
[John_e] I rushed him hard
[John_e] but he wanted to wait
[John_e] but we stayed in touch
[John_e] then he pledged under me
[John_e] at the party he says hes got to talk to me about something
[John_e] I kind of blow him off cause I'm drunk and horny
[John_e] he says its really important
[John_e] so being the "dad" pledge master I say OK, I'll drive him home later
[John_e] later,on the drive he's all nervous
[John_e] I ask whats up
[John_e] he's stammering
[topcat_msu] was he drunk too?
[John_e] dodging
[John_e] yes, drunk too
[John_e] I really have no idea why
[John_e] and then he says.."I'm..."
[John_e] and in a split second I knew
[John_e] what he was going to say
[bath34] in love with you?
[John_e] No, he's gay
[bath34] :)
[kip] oh ...
[John_e] sad to say, I kind of freaked out
[John_e] I wanted to know why he was telling me
[John_e] did he know?
[John_e] and I asked him
[John_e] "Why you telling me and not your big?"
[John_e] he said he felt closer to me
[DC] naw, John . . . he knows something else . . . . .from Kevin?
[John_e] but I was cool
[John_e] no, he didn't know
[John_e] he didn't hit on me
[DC] wow
[John_e] he was just telling me
[John_e] he started crying
[John_e] it was sad
[topcat_msu] cuz he had no clue about u?
[John_e] I didn't tell him about me at first
[John_e] no clue

[John_e] I was the pledgemaster
[John_e] I was still fucking girls
[John_e] besides Adam, Kevin and CJ, no one else knew
[John_e] I thought it best he not tell everyone
[John_e] being so new in the fraternity
[John_e] he might not go over so well
[John_e] he agreed
[John_e] we stayed up all night talking about it
[John_e] at this point in my life, I was still timid about my "bi-sexuality"\
[John_e] I didn't hit on guys
[John_e] but I took it on occasions if it came my way
[John_e] Brian was pretty hot
[John_e] looks like that guy from Party of 5
[DC] jeez, Scott Wolff?
[John_e] yeah
[van_sama] woof
[John_e] must confess thats why I rushed him so hard
[jimmyz] lol
[DC] sorry but Scott Wolff would make a few str8 guys wonder . . .
[John_e] so anyway
[John_e] knowing what I know
[John_e] I know I got to get me some of that
[topcat_msu] lol
[DC] lol
[John_e] but didn't have the balls
[John_e] so we were hanging out one night
[John_e] after I party I went back to his place
[John_e] I pretended to be wasted
[John_e] and passed out though not really
[John_e] see if he would pull on me what I did to Adam
[John_e] and he did
[bath34] was he still a pledge?
[John_e] no, he was in,. this is second semester
[John_e] so he started touching me and shit
[John_e] I pretended to wake up
[John_e] and in my "drunk state" we fooled around
[John_e] the next day I came clean
[John_e] not about specifics, just that I had been with a few guys before
[John_e] so we started messing around regularly
[John_e] I pushed Kevin to the side
[John_e] need to step back again
[van_sama] oooh...i bet he took that well...
[John_e] end of soph year I took this girl that was totally into me
[John_e] to my formal
[John_e] don't burn psycho chicks
[John_e] we fucked, she wanted more, I didn't
[John_e] wasn't good
[John_e] back to Brian
[John_e] one night we are messing around in his room
[John_e] I assume the door is locked
[John_e] right in the midst of fucking
[John_e] walks in Ms. Formal
[DC] ooooh shit
[Bill_P] OH Shit dude...
[van_sama] oh damn
[John_e] her face drops
[Bill_P] Whoa... caught in the act..
[John_e] and she walks out
[John_e] I yell at Brian, you don't lock the door?
[John_e] and jumped up, towel around waist and run after her
[bath34] did she out you?
[John_e] typical story, this is my first time
[John_e] don't tell anyone
[John_e] begging and pleading
[John_e] she says she won't
[John_e] but this is a scorn woman
[John_e] so things are cool for a couple of days
[John_e] I tell Brian no more
[John_e] too close
[John_e] paranoid at first, but after the second day, no rumor, all is cool
[John_e] NOT
[DC] uh oh
[John_e] like the next day, people are looking at me weird
[John_e] whispering
[John_e] the entire greek community knows
[bath34] omg
[jimmyz] damn
[DC] oh man
[John_e] I should nention that I am VP
[Bill_P] Damn John.
[John_e] we also got our charter back
[van_sama] daaaamn
[John_e] and I am the Secretary of the IFC
[Bill_P] Holy Fuck!
[John_e] so I am known
[John_e] it spread like wild fire
[DC] damn
[John_e] I walk to me group in the Student Center and everyone is weird
[John_e] its Matt that takes me away and says do I know whats going on?
[John_e] and I knew
[John_e] I thought I was going to puke right there
[John_e] to cut to the chase
[John_e] I didn't admit anything
[John_e] bitch was friends with Brian
[John_e] and she didn't see him
[John_e] just me and some guy

[ded1156] So Brian set this up?
[John_e] no, he had nothing to do with it
[DC] had you and Matt fooled around, any, at that point?
[John_e] no, this was b4 matt and I

[John_e] so I lock myself in my room in the house for about a week
[John_e] I drank so much
[John_e] surprised I'm not dead
[John_e] I cried a week
[John_e] people would knock on the door and I would say go away
[John_e] my greatest fear was people knowing
[John_e] and now everyone knew
[John_e] I thought about suicide
[jimmyz] wow
[John_e] thought about just leaving
[Bill_P] WOW...
[John_e] never letting my parents or anyone know where I was

[John_e] first day I'm in my room, about half way through a bottle of Vodka
[John_e] I left Kevin a message
[John_e] he come by later
[John_e] I'm so glad to see him
[John_e] I'm crying my eyes out
[John_e] and says to me
[John_e] "You better not tell anyone about us"
[DC] ohhh shit
[DC] that's it? that's what he said?
[bath34] figures
[John_e] not good
[John_e] he was no help
[kip] aww gosh
[John_e] so I'm alone
[John_e] or so I think
[John_e] Adam is graduated and we don't really talk anymore
[John_e] Matt wants to come in, but I won't let him
[John_e] I'm too embarassed
[John_e] Brian says he will tell everyione that it is him
[John_e] I told him no
[John_e] don't, no need to
[John_e] so about a week goes by
[John_e] rumors flying everywhere
[John_e] its a Sunday
[John_e] Matt breaks my door down
[DC] good for him
[John_e] he says that the meeting tonight is about me
[John_e] what they are going to do
[John_e] I need to say something
[John_e] I tell Matt that I am leaving school
[John_e] and Matt tells me that I can't leave
[John_e] that I am the heart and the soul of the Fraternity
[DC] good man
[kip] very Good!
[John_e] and that it doesn't matter
[John_e] its me
[John_e] and everyone will support me, true or not true
[John_e] tears from my eyes right now
[ded1156] Great Friend
[John_e] whew
[John_e] OK

[John_e] so I still don't have the strength at first
[John_e] they go to the meeting
[John_e] I have U2 on
[John_e] and a song comes on
[John_e] Bad
[John_e] if you don't knmow it
[John_e] awesome song
[John_e] Talks about "I'm not sleeping"
[John_e] meaning I am alive
[Bill_P] What Song?
[John_e] Bad by U2
[John_e] I played it again
[blah] "if i could, yes i would, let it go" that song
[John_e] and again
[John_e] and again
[John_e] and it made me mad and burn inside
[John_e] so I got dressed and went to the meeting on campus
[John_e] I walked into the meeting
[John_e] place went quiet
[John_e] 100 guys in there
[John_e] and I admitted it
[DC] wow
[kip] oh wow
[bath34] amazing courage at your age
[John_e] I told everyone I was gay
[John_e] and though I wasn't certain that I was gay
[John_e] in my mind, at that moment I was
[kip] that was really brave
[van_sama] very
[John_e] I gotta tell you
[EroticDreams] yeah really.. telling 100 guys at once wow
[John_e] it was rough
[John_e] but everyone supported me
[John_e] not everyone
[John_e] but most
[Love] thats great...
[John_e] now the other greeks
[John_e] and the girls
[John_e] thats a differnt story
[John_e] I was gay to everyone
[John_e] I started going to class again
[John_e] it was rough
[John_e] the IFC meeting
[John_e] lol
[John_e] funny
[John_e] I knew I was really out when I had in my mailbox
[John_e] a letter from out Gay Group
[John_e] on campus
[John_e] asking me to be their president
[Bill_P] Wow!!
[bath34] not only am I a member, but the president!
[John_e] lol
[John_e] they have a stupid acronym name
[John_e] but I saw it right away and was like, "what the fuck?"
[John_e] so anyway
[John_e] let me finish this real quickly
[John_e] Kevin did not out me
[John_e] but I outed Kevin
[John_e] and it was an accident
[tyrone_at] omg
[John_e] a drunk night
[John_e] I was so angry
[John_e] and I was telling Matt the whole story
[John_e] and someone over-heard
[DC] shit, JW . . . you're the unluckiest guy around . .
[John_e] honestly, Matt would not have told anyone
[John_e] I just said it a bit too loud
[John_e] and for Kevin, well
[John_e] they weren't as accepting
[John_e] he wasn't shunned
[John_e] but his "generation" was mostly graduated
[John_e] a lot of people didn't like him from the start
[John_e] and when people found out the whole story
[John_e] and that he let me go about the whole thing alone
[John_e] that didn't go over well, Brotherly love, Depend on a Brother and all
[John_e] so Kevin and I beat the shit out of each other
[John_e] a few times
[John_e] I have a big scar on my forehead from him
[John_e] it was rough
[John_e] tough on our Fraternity because we were constantly fighting or not talking
[John_e] and it was a love hate relationship
[John_e] and trust me, we fucked, hard, a couple of more times
[John_e] but after our last brawl, we didn't speak for about three years
[John_e] a couple of years ago, "we made" up
[John_e] I haven't seen him in about a year
[John_e] but we were cordial when we saw each other
[DC] wait, you still had episodes where you guys had intense sex, during all these ups and downs?
[John_e] no, no sex
[John_e] but he looked good

[John_e] He lives in Manhattan
[John_e] I hear he has a BF now
[Bill_P] KEWL
[DC] is he still attracted to women, at all?
[John_e] as far as I know DC, no

[John_e] last time I was with Kevin, I introduced him to my BF
[John_e] it was weird
[John_e] really weird
[John_e] I never told my BF all this
[DC] yeah, JW, I can imagine
[John_e] and he had no idea who I was introducing him too
[DC] very surreal
[DC] wow
[kip] Oh gosh, yeah would be weird
[John_e] it was
[John_e] but I'm not with that BF anymore

[theschnauzers] john did you and adam ever make up or is that a lost friendship?
[John_e] Adam and I...
[John_e] I was at Adam's wedding
[John_e] I was surprised that I was invited
[John_e] Adam never hated me
[John_e] we talked about it
[John_e] right after
[John_e] he had his own issues
[John_e] and it became weird
[John_e] too weird for me
[John_e] and I took all the blame at first
[John_e] and then I was like
[John_e] I can't deal with it
[John_e] let it go
[John_e] and we just drifted apart
[John_e] he rarely came back after he graduated
[John_e] next generation came up in the frat
[John_e] I was the the new "Adam"
[John_e] the top dog
[John_e] and the mind quickly forgets
[John_e] or chooses to forget
[Bill_P] Well you had a good teacher "BIG" wise!
[John_e] lol
[John_e] I see Adam a couple of times a year
[John_e] he has two kids
[John_e] still married
[John_e] lives at the Jersey shore where he's a cop
[John_e] but I don't talk to him on the phone or anything

[John_e] LOL, my sister got pulled over by him
[John_e] on her way to AC
[John_e] and he was Like, ""Walsh", John "Walsh's" sister?"
[kip] lol
[John_e] and she said yes and he let her go no ticket
[John_e] said to say hello
[Cadoimond] I take it John_e lives in Jersey?
[John_e] I live in Jersey now, yes

[John_e] wow, that was a little sad for me
[John_e] some tears as I typed
[van_sama] thanks for sharing that with us
[John_e] but feeling good that it is all out there
[DC] yeah, man . . . . we understand
[John_e] and I'd like to add
[John_e] that as being an "out" guy on campus, my Sr year my frat voted me President
[DC] sweet
[kip] Oh wow Cool!
[John_e] says alot about me and them

[bh] So John, the story's done. Bring us up to date. A new BF???
[John_e] no, no BF
[John_e] I was dating a guy recently for a couple of weeks, but it ended
[John_e] I still have serious sexual preference problems
[John_e] I feel trapped in my past
[John_e] and I feel like I could start dating girls maybe again
[John_e] but people would go crazy
[John_e] and I don't know and don't want to hurt anyone
[John_e] allow a girl to fall in love with me and then decide, nah, I actually do like guys
[John_e] I made my bed
[John_e] I need to sleep in it
[John_e] I am where I am
[John_e] I'm not unhappy
[John_e] I wonder
[John_e] but I'll stay gay

[daz3d] what if you allow a guy to fall in love with you and decide, nah, i actually like girls?
[John_e] well thats the problem
[John_e] I think I love guys
[John_e] then I get all weirded out in guy relationships and bail
[John_e] trust me, no one here wants a relationship with me

[John_e] its not just the "girls" that stop me
[John_e] its me too
[John_e] I went through so much confusion
[John_e] and I don't want to go through it again
[John_e] and I feel like I could like girls, but I don't know, some girls still turn me on, but I don't want the head games with myself again, so I'll just stay where I am

[steal] what about Adam and Andy?
[John_e] Adam and Andy?
[John_e] Oh, Adam and Andy
[John_e] yes yes
[John_e] Adam and Andy were in the tent together when they pledged
[John_e] yes, they fooled around
[DC] wow
[DC] how'd you find out?
[John_e] Adam told me that
[John_e] we were stoned to the beach when he told me
[John_e] thats when he told me that I told him I was hooking up with Kevin when we went canoeing
[John_e] this was summer betw Frsh and Soph year
[DC] right, you didn't totally remember telling him that
[John_e] I actually don't remember telling him at all
[John_e] its his memory that is my memory
[DC] heh heh
[kip] oh hehe
[John_e] actually, when I told Adam about Kevin, I was on shrooms

[bath34] do you still use a lot of drugs/alcohol John?
[John_e] no, I social drink
[John_e] smoke a joint maybe once a month
[John_e] and that's it
[John_e] though I was doing nitrus balloons at the last DMB concert

[John_e] you guys made me laugh...
[John_e] after the Spring Break chapter
[John_e] I got a lot of e-mails about how much I dranks and did drugs
[John_e] and how bad it was for me
[John_e] and I was like, you guys have no idea, I'm just getting started

[DC] I can't remember if you had any mood enhancers when you and Adam hooked up
[John_e] drunk, DC
[DC] so, he had an out?
[John_e] no, he didn't
[John_e] it was just he and I, and we knew
[John_e] we had a canoe trip the weekend afer finals, second semester, every year, as a send off to the Seniors. We camped out the night
[John_e] that Sunday was always Mothers Day, and trust me, my mom was never pleased about it
[John_e] I'd be in bed all day
[DC] heh heh, can imagine

[Bill_P] BTW did you fair well in your studies there at school John?
[John_e] lol
[John_e] no, Bill
[John_e] I graduated
[John_e] 5 year program
[John_e] never went to class
[John_e] I sold most of my books back not even opened
[John_e] I had the experience of life, the best experience of all

[steal] Why did you stop writing FM?
[John_e] I stopped for a few reasons:
[John_e] 1) It was taking over my life
[John_e] 2) Being auto-biographical, my mind was going places it hasn't visited in awhile, and it was emotionally stressing
[John_e] 3) Needed to be more ahead looking than back looking
[John_e] and lastly, 4) New job and started dating someone new, so I needed to concentrate on that

[kip] do you hope to continue at some point in future ?
[kip] cause you have a dedicated base of fans :)
[John_e] I have no intent to continue the story at this time
[kip] awww :(

[John_e] I have another reason for stopping, if I could add...
[John_e] 5) its daunting. I have a lot to tell, it gets bad, and I'm afraid of the effort and time its going to take to tell
[John_e] so I'm taking the easy way out and stopping :)

[hal] Dude, what do you mean the Fraternity Memoirs is done? The last chapter ends with "to be continued...."
[John_e] its done my man
[John_e] its like a weight off my shoulders
[John_e] it was a lot of pressure
[John_e] having all you fuckers out there waiting
[kip] LOL
[bath34] lol
[John_e] and wanting
[kip] well we really appreciate your efforts
[daz3d] you were brilliant
[kip] it brought a lot of feelings back from my own college experience....
[topcat_msu] ditto kip
[van_sama] i think it came out better that way, stroke stories are a dime a dozen
[van_sama] true stories are a a treasure
[DC] well, the sex is great . . . . but the attraction, for most people, was the overall story . . . and the character development . . . . (then the sex was better)

[hal] But you and Kevin haven't even fucked in the story, right? Wasn't it all building up to that?
[John_e] I don't know, Hal, for you, it might have been about getting to me and Kevin fucking. For me, it was getting to the outed part
[John_e] and when I looked at how far and how much I had to tell to get there
[John_e] it was just too much to do
[John_e] and there is so much I haven't told here
[John_e] like getting fucked the first time
[John_e] and the knocks on my door, after I was outed, from brothers
[John_e] suddenly curious
[John_e] and I'd have to say no

[Bill_P] Oh Really??? What did them frat bros want to know john??
[John_e] they wanted a BJ
[Bill_P] Oh... Just curious John. It sounds like they were lined up in the hall. :)
[John_e] no, not like that
[John_e] but people would come in
[John_e] sit down
[John_e] late at night
[John_e] start talking BS
[John_e] no need for then to be in my room that late
[John_e] and I knew what it was about
[John_e] waiting for me to suggest maybe
[John_e] and it wasn't everyone
[John_e] and generally it was a flat no
[John_e] not to say that I didn't maybe take a couple of guys up ;)

[bath34] do you mind saying how you lost your viginity?
[John_e] I got fucked the first time, for real, 1st semester soph year
[John_e] I say first time because I tried once that summer, but it just didn't work
[John_e] Kevin was the first to fuck me
[John_e] But I fucked Bobby before I got fucked
[bath34] who's Bobby?
[bath34] Oh that home guy
[John_e] Yeah, the guy from the club

[John_e] Kevin "got" me lots.
[John_e] and the sad thing
[John_e] after all that heppened
[John_e] when I jerk off
[John_e] I think of Kevin
[John_e] ;(
[DC] damn
[John_e] just the sex
[John_e] not the emotions

[topcat_msu] john, did anyone else come out on their own after you were outed, and besides kevin's outing? what about brian?
[John_e] Yes, Brian did come out
[John_e] after me but b4 Kevin
[topcat_msu] was he received well?
[John_e] and we had one other guy pledge and come out later, when I was a senior
[daz3d] did he tell people it was him who was with you
[John_e] people put 2 and 2 together about Brian and I
[John_e] as after I admitted it, they remembered that the weeks b4 I was suddenly hanging out with Brian A LOT

[steal] john can you tell us about any of your littles and did you have encounter with them?
[John_e] I had a little
[John_e] and I took him way too early
[John_e] I was only a second semester sophomore
[John_e] this guy was so hot
[John_e] I just had to have him as my liitle
[John_e] but I had no business taking a little that young
[John_e] but I did
[John_e] and was not the greatest of bigs
[John_e] too concerned with partying
[John_e] but nothing ever happened between us sexually

[topcat_msu] john, do the characters in the story know of the story? especially kevin..?
[John_e] No one know about the story as it is
[John_e] that it is here for you all to read
[John_e] or that it is sexual
[John_e] but I have called a few of the guys to check up on my facts
[John_e] how did this happen again?
[kip] lol
[John_e] and I told them that I was writing a memoirs about pledging
[John_e] but just for me

[ded1156] Would you consider telling them about the story?
[John_e] no, I don't think I'll ever tell anyone
[John_e] everyone knows their piece
[John_e] but not others
[John_e] no one knows about Adam and I
[John_e] so it wouldn't be fair to Adam
[John_e] no one knows about Matt
[John_e] so it wouldn't be cool

[ben_hasnen69] i'm sure you have gone over this already, but could you describe briefly where each of the characters are now (incl u) with out giving away too much obviously!
[John_e] CJ is a school teacher
[John_e] dating, but not married
[John_e] Evan is also a school teacher
[John_e] got married last August
[John_e] awesome wedding
[John_e] we are still best friends Evan and I, besides Matt
[John_e] Matt is a trader
[John_e] married
[John_e] hate his wife
[John_e] lol
[ded1156] lol
[van_sama] lol
[John_e] not really
[John_e] I tease her all the time though
[John_e] they are trying hard to have a kid
[John_e] but not successful yet
[John_e] as he says, his boys don't swim

[daz3d] she knows about matt and you?
[John_e] no, she doesn't know
[John_e] I just tease her that I'm in love with her husband
[kip] lol
[John_e] which I'm not

[hal] Have you been with any current frat boys lately?
[John_e] well, after graduating
[John_e] I worked in a restaurant for like 6 months
[John_e] kind of lost what to do with a Poli Sci major
[John_e] continued my substance abuse
[John_e] became a "club Kid"
[John_e] to a certain extent
[John_e] more one night stands than you can imagine

[Rhyolite] John: was there anything specific that turned you away from drugs and
"club kid" life?
[John_e] reality, Rhyo
[John_e] responsibilty
[Bill_P] I guess, Money, Health and your Job Eh??
[John_e] pretty much

[John_e] my mom forced me to take the job with my uncle and I was never a failure, so I couldn't get fired, I just needed someone to get me out of the college mode and into the real life
[John_e] sobered up quickly
[John_e] moved up in the company
[John_e] was offered a management position in Atlanta
[John_e] took it
[John_e] lived down there a couple of years to prove myself
[John_e] got moved back here a year ago
[John_e] better job
[John_e] I work in telecom
[John_e] finance in telecom
[John_e] manage a few states
[John_e] do pretty good

[ded1156] How old are you now?
[John_e] 30

[John_e] relationship wise
[John_e] never too successful
[John_e] had one three year realtionship that broke off the first time I quit the story
[John_e] and been single since
[John_e] enjoying it
[John_e] slowly getting back to the old JW and starting to date again
[John_e] no one night stands, not anymore
[Bill_P] Good for you John.
[John_e] I never really dated
[John_e] like in college
[John_e] so I'm looking forward to just dating and being relaxed with who I am

[John_e] anyone interested in hearing a story I am toying with?
[ded1156] YES
[John_e] there would be some sex
[John_e] but not really graphical details
[John_e] not for Nifty
[John_e] this may be my first attempt at a novel
[kip] oh cool
[John_e] still formulating
[John_e] but generally
[John_e] a guy in college
[John_e] maybe a jock
[John_e] maybe frat
[John_e] maybe not
[John_e] not sure
[John_e] but he meets the love of his life at school
[John_e] was never out
[John_e] but thought he may be gay
[John_e] falls in love with this guy
[John_e] and comes out to his family
[John_e] family does not take it well
[John_e] and why I am thinking he is some kind of a jock
[John_e] as it has huge ramifications
[John_e] but in college
[John_e] college jock
[John_e] so this guy gets in a bad accident
[John_e] maybe a car
[John_e] in this accuident
[John_e] he almost dies
[John_e] but makes it out
[John_e] but has lost all his memory
[John_e] and he forgets that he is gay
[John_e] and he has the BF
[John_e] but he doesn't believe it
[John_e] and his family is not sure what to do
[John_e] maybe not tell him?
[John_e] if he doesn't remember
[John_e] maybe he never will
[John_e] I'm playing with the gay because of genes vs environment
[gaz] interesting !
[John_e] kind of a reversal coming out
[John_e] whenever his friends and shit tell him he is gay, but he doesn't want to be anymore
[John_e] no, not lite reading
[John_e] I have to do a lot of research
[John_e] but I think it could be awesome
[John_e] and I'm not sure how I want to end it
[John_e] stay straight or fall back in love with his BF
[daz3d] it's an awesome idea
[steal] Sounds like you will never stop writing.

[John_e] as far as continuing FM goes, never say never
[John_e] I may get back to it
[John_e] right now, no
[John_e] but maybe someday

[Bill_P] Johnny... I want to thank you for your time and your active participation to the questions.
[John_e] you're welcome
[kip] John this has been a wonderful evening discussing a truely remarkable story
[John_e] thanks Kip
[John_e] and I now have the award for the most users?
[kip] well this is a major "Classic" on Nifty!
[kip] LOL
[John_e] classic, huh? makes me feel old, lol
* Kip hands John W an certificate of award for most attendees!
[ded1156] do you have an acceptance speach
[John_e] yes, I do have an acceptance speech...
[John_e] "Thank you and blow me!"
[kip] LOL
[jamuspsu2000] is that an invitiation? :-P
[ded1156] LOL it would be my pleasure
* Kip gets down on knees
[EroticDreams] lol
[EroticDreams] KIP! *OMG*
* EroticDreams laughs
[John_e] you may need some knee pads, Kip, you'll be down there awhile :p
[kip] definitely would make my day, lol

[jamuspsu2000] FM is actually the only serial that i've ever really read.
[John_e] lol, some guy told me he read all 20 something chs in one sitting
[John_e] thats crazy
[jamuspsu2000] it's a long long story. i did that one night when i was supposed to be writing a paper.
[John_e] read a whole story in one sitting, jamus? which one?
[jamuspsu2000] i read FM in one sitting, i mean.
[jamuspsu2000] while i was supposed to be writing a paper.
[John_e] damn, your ass must have been killing you
[jamuspsu2000] not, maybe, the best use of my time, but that's kinda what college is about.
[John_e] how long did it take you?
[jamuspsu2000] not really sure.... cuz i was writing the paper before and then i finished it after. it was like a year and a half ago.
[jamuspsu2000] but i was exhausted. went to class, handed in the paper, and left.
[John_e] lol
[John_e] hope you papers weren't sticky when you handed it to the prof
[jamuspsu2000] haha. nope. it wasn't ever as much of a j/o story to me as it was a fraternity memoir.... i was an out fraternity president too.

[ben_hasnen69] Hey John.. just wanted to say that i am a huge fan...thanks for all your writing! I don't know how many times i have read each chapter but yea..best of luck to u in the future
[John_e] Thanks Ben
[John_e] that means a lot to me
[John_e] you guys have been awesome
[John_e] this journey has been much more than I ever anticpated
[bath34] No John YOU'RE Awesome!!!!
[John_e] the heart pouring e-mails I received, a couple of people on the verge of suicide b4 finding my story, you'll never know what that means to me
[kip] oh wow that is great to have touched so many lives
[John_e] that I could help with what was just meant to be a quick spank story b4 I actually started putting my words down
[kip] well you have created a "Nifty Classic"

[John_e] all right guys. thanks for the forum
[John_e] stay well and keep on writing or reading
[jamuspsu2000] Thank you, John! You stay well also.
[Todd] John_e, thanks so muchy again :)
[Todd] my best wishes for you :)
[ded1156] John, thanks again for tonight. I hope someday you pick back up on FM
[John_e] thanks
* John_e has quit IRC (Quit: chat today at http://www.nevernet.net/chat/_)

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Men over 35 are social pariahs on Craigslist, Grindr and other sites

Because of a good-natured disagreement with a friend, I've done some research on attitudes about bi and gay guys' age limits when it comes to connecting with other men on-line.  The results are somewhat surprising, as you'll see below.

Middle Man, the author of New Day, New Life, threw the age gauntlet down, so to speak, when he said:
"I've read through enough profiles and CL ads to safely say that in this area [Chicago] men over 35 are considered social pariahs in the online gay dating world. ... I might as well be invisible. Filtered out from their searches, if you will. And I'm not looking at guys under 30 either. ...  Believe me it's not in my head and I'm not seeing things."
This seemed like a silly statement to me so I responded:
"Do some research and get that 35 number out of your head. The real 'age cliffs' are 40, 45 and 50. Go on any gay dating site that shows age limits and tally the cut-off ages that guys list. 40 will top the list for guys between 26 and 40. 45 will top the list for guys between 35 and 48. Being in your thirties is THE prime age because, except for a portion of guys in their 20s, everyone wants you."
Unconvinced, Middle Man replied:
"Your assumptions are based on San Francisco men which I find to be more open than the guys here [Chicago] so you are correct about your cutoffs, but the same is definitely not true here. And for some reason, guys in warmer climates seem to age better even though they are exposed to UV rays more often. It must be the vitamin D, or is it E."
To settle our disagreement, I decided to do some research using Match.com.  Why Match?  Two reasons.  First, unlike hook-up sites Grindr, Manhunt and Adam4Adam, I believe guys on Match are more honest about their real age.  Because I wanted to know what a typical 35 year old's attitude is, I needed some confidence that I was counting the opinions of actual 35 year olds.  Second, Match shows 10 profile summaries per page, with age limits listed in each summary.  That makes it very easy to tabulate results.

Middle Man might argue that 35yo guys on Grindr are more strict about sticking to age limits than guys on Match, but I don't buy that.  If anything, I'd say the opposite.  For hook-ups, what matters most is looks.  Plenty of younger guys are happy to fool around with much older guys, provided their look appeals to them.  But when it comes to a possible relationship, younger guys are not nearly as flexible.  So, if anything, data from Match is biased in favor of Middle Man's opinions and against mine.

My sample size was 800 profiles of guys in the Chicago area.  I scored results by each year of age and then put them together into four groups of 200 profiles each, ages 26 - 29, 30 - 34, 35 - 39 and 40 - 44.  Here's what I found:

Guys 26 - 29
88% would consider dating someone up to 31
74% would consider dating someone up to 35
38% would consider dating someone up to 36 (-36% when turning 36)
25% would consider dating someone up to 40
16% would consider dating someone up to 41 (-9% when turning 41)
13% would consider dating someone up to 45
6% would consider dating someone up to 46 (-7% when turning 46)

Guys 30 - 34
96% would consider dating someone up to 35
65% would consider dating someone up to 36 (-31% when turning 36)
55% would consider dating someone up to 40
32% would consider dating someone up to 41 (-13% when turning 41)
25% would consider dating someone up to 45
11% would consider dating someone to to 46 (-14% when turning 46)
9% would consider dating someone up to 50
2% would consider dating someone 51+

Guys 35 - 39
97% would consider dating someone up to 35
90% would consider dating someone up to 36 (-7% when turning 36)
82% would consider dating someone up to 40
59% would consider dating someone up to 41 (-23% when turning 41)
47% would consider dating someone up to 45
21% would consider dating someone to to 46 (-26% when turning 46)
14% would consider dating someone up to 50
7% would consider dating someone 51+

Guys 40 - 44
99% would consider dating someone up to 35
94% would consider dating someone up to 40
88% would consider dating someone up to 41 (-6% when turning 41)
80% would consider dating someone up to 45
57% would consider dating someone to to 46 (-23% when turning 46)
40% would consider dating someone up to 50
20% would consider dating someone up to 51 (-20% when turning 51)
14% would consider dating someone up to 55
7% would consider dating someone 56+

I told Middle Man that the biggest 'age cliff' for guys 26 - 40 was 40.  I was wrong.  40 is the biggest age cliff for guys 29 - 40.  A majority of guys who are 26-28 draw the line at 35.

Middle Man claimed that men over 35 are considered "social pariahs" by guys 30 - 40.  He was wrong.  Nearly 80% of men in that age range would date someone 36 or older.  But that drops to 45% at 41 and 16% at 46.

Middle Man also claimed that San Francisco was very different from Chicago.  He was mostly wrong, but not entirely.  I checked only one sub-set of data, the 35- 39 age group, and within that group, San Franciscans were 10% more likely to date a 41yo or a 46yo compared to Chicago guys.  That makes a difference, but not a dramatic one.

One thing you should notice about these numbers is how "ageism" increases with, well, age.  88% of the youngest men would date someone 2 - 5 years older, but that number quickly drops to 65% for guys in their early 30s, then 58% for guys in their later 30s and early 40s.  My guess is that the number keeps dropping as men continue to age.  This phenomenon annoys me.  Basically, more and more men become convinced that they're "better" than their near-peers.  If a majority of older guys feel that way, and if very few younger men are interested in older men, what chance for success does a man over 51 have?  Not zero, but the odds are heavily stacked against him.

Finding proof of ageism wasn't a shock, but what was surprising was that turning 40 or 41 is not that big of a deal, relatively speaking.  More guys 34 - 38 chose 45 as their upper age limit than they did 40.  Guys 39 - 43 also chose 45 as their upper age limit (vs 50) by 70% to 30%.

This is great news if you're between the ages of 41 and 45.  If that's you, then I suggest you take advantage of your relative youth while you can, because the bad news is that turning 46 IS a major milestone.  In fact, it's the death drop of gay aging.  Only 16% of guys who are under 40 would consider dating a 46 year old and only 35% of 40 year olds would.  The difference between 45 and 46 is so brutal that a 45yo has a 50/50 chance of a 36 year old being willing to date him, but a 46 doesn't get those same odds until the prospect is 41.  This means that turning 46 ages you 6 years, not the usual one.  It also means that the dating pool of younger men for a 46yo is HALF the size as that for a 45yo.  Wow.  Does is suck to turn 46 or what?

Back to the disagreement between Middle Man and me.  Let me settle it by saying he is 38 and I'm 46.  Which one of us should be bitchin' about being invisible? 

Friday, January 4, 2013

Film, Book, Internet Story and Amateur Porn Favorites

Recently I was trolling through Youtube, looking for anything new or interesting in the world of b'gay film.  It's easy to burn a few hours there watching various short films, foreign soap operas (who knew the Spanish were so b'gay friendly?) and bootlegged copies of feature films.

One feature I stumbled across had the label "KTB" and starred Tori Spelling.  I'm not really a fan of hers, but, whatever.

The opening sequence for this movie is horrible - and Tori Spelling isn't even in it.  It begins in an office setting where a gay man and a lesbian (a Margaret Cho rip-off) take turns bitching about all the gay and lesbian weddings they've recently been invited to attend.  Their much-too-long-and-annoying "sassy" dialogue is follow by a photo montage of gay wedding invitations, groom and groom cakes, and bride and bride dress fittings.  As all this dragged on, I was beginning to wonder if Tori Spelling was going to be the highlight of the film.  "What the hell am I watching?" I wondered.  "This must be a one-star Lifetime movie."

Well, it turns out that the movie gets better.  Much, much better.  It's still a flawed and cheesy romantic comedy, but within that genre, it's better than any other similar b'gay movie that I've seen.  Seriously.

I'm not going to tell you anything about the movie's plot.  I think watching it "blind" the way I did is ideal.  Don't read any summaries or reviews.  Just go here, patiently endure the first 20 minutes or so, and see what you think.  Do that now and then come back afterward because I'd like to share a few interesting facts about the film.

The name of the movie is "Kiss the Bride" and, as near as I can tell, it was released in theaters in 2008.  IMBD says that it grossed a whopping $31,937 and cost $500,000 to make.  Talk about a flop.

If you've watched the movie you may have recognized the actor Steve Sandvoss.  He's a gay icon because he played the closeted Mormon guy in one of the biggest b'gay movies of all time, Latter Days.  It turns out that Sandvoss' participation in KTB was not coincidental.  "Kiss the Bride" is, sort of, a "Latter Days" sequel.  KTB was co-written, directed and produced by C. Jay Cox, the same guy who wrote, directed and produced "Latter Days."

Now, just because the guy made one good b'gay movie doesn't guarantee the next one will be good too, but, after watching "Kiss the Bride" blind, I don't think that movie deserved to be as big of a flop as it was.  Yes, the whole premise for the film is deeply flawed, and the first third is awful, but I think the rest of the movie is unique and surprisingly entertaining.  I also think that what doomed the movie was the ending.  What demographic is going to tell their friends to see it?  Only b'gays like me.  Too bad there aren't many of us around, and even when we are, we don't make movie recommendations like this to our friends.  Except on blogs like this.

Enough about KTB.

Here are some of my other favorites in b'gay entertainment.  If you'd like to share your favorites, especially something new or obscure, please do so in the comment box below.

Favorite Film: Shelter

Favorite "Real-life" Story: Fraternity Memoirs
"John Walsh" shares a number of very hot and supposedly true stories in this serial, but there's one chapter in particular that is the hottest story ever.  Definitely a must-read.  I also have to give honorable mention to "Adam Phillips'" Cross Currents.  Good stuff.

Favorite "No, they're not gay" Book: A Separate Peace
Now that the author John Knowles is dead, someone should write a blasphemous sequel where the married and 40-something Gene is forced out of the closet after having a torrid affair with a young male student who bears an uncanny resemblance to Phinny.

Favorite Gay Book: The Boys on the Rock
I know, I know...I need to read The Front Runner...

Favorite B'gay Soap Opera Story:  Todd and Karl on Coronation Street
I'm not really into soap operas, but this was surprisingly entertaining.

Favorite Short Story: Brokeback Mountain
I read Annie Proulx's original story years before the movie came out.  The movie is very loyal to her work, but I think part of the reason such an awesome story has become a cultural joke is because Jake Gyllenhaal was miscast as Jack Twist.  Unlike Heath Ledger, he's never believable as a real cowboy.  Gyllenhaal's lack of authenticity feminizes his character and that changes everything.  If you're able to read Proulx's story without picturing Gyllenhaal, hopefully you'll see what I mean.

Favorite Short Film:  Downing
I haven't watched every b'gay film on Youtube yet, but this one was quite memorable, which is not true of so many others.

Favorite Amateur Porn:
I'm reluctant to share some of my favorite amateur porn videos because I try to keep this blog on the straight and narrow.  (I know, just humor me.)  However, because the topic is "favorites in b'gay entertainment" such recommendations would seem to be appropriate.

I'm not saying these the hottest videos you'll ever see.  What's impressive is that I actually remember them; most porn is forgettable and generic to me.  In decreasing order of hotness: video one, video two, video three.  The last one is too long, the last 2.5 minutes is the good stuff.  What I find so hot about these are the sounds.  I guess I'm an aural pervert.

By the way, none of the guys are gay.  They're just "curious."