Sunday, May 19, 2013

Found on Craigslist

A straight wife told me about this.  I don't know if this was actually posted or if it's an urban legend.  Either way, it's an interesting read...

Dear ex-husband...I would like to clear up some of the lies and mis-information you have been feeding people since you have discovered Facebook and attended your recent high school reunion:

1) I did not "cheat on you" and cause the breakup of our marriage. We had been separated for the better part of a year, and I had already filed divorce papers. Even before we were separated, we had sex MAYBE once or twice a month for 3 years (BAD sex at that). I did "have an itch", as I have seen you put it, and since you weren't scratching it, I called up my old fuck-buddy and he took care of business. BTW, he had no problem at all cumming from oral...so fuck you for making me think it was my problem when it was clearly yours.

2) Thank you for blaming all your social shortcomings on me. You have told multiple people that I never wanted to hang out with any of your friends, and that's why you had lost contact with them over the years. Bullshit. You are just cheap and no fun. If it involved travel, money, or staying out past 7:00pm, then you weren't interested. You also didn't like having people over to our house because we would have to feed them (which costs money) and most of them have kids (which you hate...funny, you're a TEACHER).

3) You told one ex-girlfriend that after we got married, I "turned into Martha Stewart". Yes, asking you to pick up your own dirty clothes, Diet Pepsi cans, and bath towels and put them in their proper places was TOTALLY batshit crazy of me. How dare I want to live in a semi-respectable home and not a trash heap.

4) I will let you continue to tell people I am remarried to "some geek I met on the internet", as that is completely true. However, you should also tell them that he is goddamn AMAZING in bed. Just this morning I woke up to him gently massaging my ass; before I knew it he was pulling my hair as I was gagging on his fat cock. You can fill in the blanks as to what happened next...oh wait, no you can't, because all you know how to do is a couple thrusts in the missionary position before your tiny, weird-looking little penis dribbles out its contents. And for the love of God (since you can't seem to figure it out on your own OR from my guidance), watch some porn and learn how to locate the clitoris.

5) Go ahead and crow to everyone how you "got to keep the house". Just so we're clear, I LET you keep the house, and I better not find out that I'm still on the mortgage. You were supposed to take care of that 8 weeks after our divorce was finalized. I let you slide last year when I found out I was still on there and gave you extra time to take care of it (even though it should have been done in 2006). If I'm still on that loan, then I'm calling my lawyer.

6) You have conveniently neglected to tell all of these people that you are gay. You can keep telling yourself that you're straight, but anyone who likes to let men suck his dick AND reciprocates is, in fact, homosexual. Thanks for letting me find out that little tidbit after we got married instead of before, cocksucker. And don't EVEN try to say you're bi, because you made it evident to me over the years that you hate tits and vagina. I love me some gay men, but I didn't want to be married to one.

7) You mentioned that I hated spending time with your family...completely true. They were weird as hell, and still are for all I know.

So I guess that ends my rant. If you want to tell your friends anything else about me, then tell them I'm very happy with my internet-geek husband and new, normal, sane in-laws. Just so you know, this is the only place I have talked trash about you since our divorce. If telling people all that shit about me makes you feel better, then more power to you. I just better be off that mortgage, or else you will have some really good stories to tell.

P.S.-change your passwords, stupid.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

A Dark, Sad Day - My Son is Gay

A mostly-closeted divorced man who lives south of the Mason-Dixon line recently found evidence that his son is also gay.  The son is in his teens and has struggled with an exceptionally low self-image for years.

Finding proof that his son is gay made the father feel profoundly sad.  He fears for the difficult life he will have.  He says the last thing he wanted for his son is to be gay.
How do you react to this?  Do you feel sorry for the son?  For the father?  For both?

My reaction surprised me.  I felt anger - white hot anger.  I can't believe that any man who has experienced an attraction to men himself would consider discovering his son's homosexuality to be such a horrific event.

I get the father's point that being gay is not easy.  I also understand that this was his private reaction.  What I can't get over is that the boy already hates himself yet the father's reaction implies that the self-hate is warranted.  Or, at least, he believes the boy deserves his pity.  Either way, he's validating the boy's self-hatred.  As a parent, that deeply offends me.

There are a whole lot of really shitty things that can happen to a child: disease, abuse, accidents, stupid life-altering mistakes...but when those horrible things happen, in my view, it's a parent's responsibility to wrap their arms around their child and tell them, with rock-solid confidence, that they love and support them, no matter what.  Offering pity might seem like a kind and empathetic thing to do, but it only provides adult confirmation that the kid's fears are legitimate.  It's like telling a child who is already depressed about his grades that you feel bad too - because those grades are likely to be the best he'll ever have.

Maybe I shouldn't have said anything to the father, especially because he said he did not want advice, but I was so upset that I couldn't help myself:
As his father, your opinion about your son's sexuality is probably more important to him than anyone else's.  To be loved and completely accepted by you will give him tremendous confidence and reassurance.  If there was ever a moment in his life when he needed you to stand tall, be proud and exude supreme confidence, this is it.

Homosexuality is no different than being born with blue eyes, red hair, left-handed or albino skin.  More and more people are realizing there's no difference between those things, especially young people.  Treat his news as you would if he was any one of those things.  Truly, it's not a big deal, and anyone who wants to make it a big deal is just going to reinforce whatever ignorant, negative ideas he already has in his head.  Show him pictures of many of the incredibly successful athletes and performers who are gay.  Wouldn't it be awesome to be Neil Patrick Harris, Matt Bomer or Robbie Rogers?  Yes it would!

Your son is gay?  Good for him.  More power to him.
I don't know if any parent who suspects their child is gay will ever read this, but just in case, I must take the opportunity to say that your child's decision to love or hate himself - possibly for the rest of his life - might depend on your reaction when he or she comes out to you.  In my view, as a parent, there is only one appropriate reaction and that is to celebrate - celebrate your good parenting and celebrate that you've shown your child unconditional love and support.  Any negative reaction on your part, including pity, will eventually come back to haunt you.  Either your child will internalize your negativity and take it out on himself in horrible ways, or, he'll grow to resent you.  There is no possible good outcome if you react negatively.  None.

This applies to many other "bad" situations too.  Your daughter gets pregnant?  Or elopes with no warning?  Freaking out won't help, nor will talking smack about your new son-in-law.  Love and support - that's what your kid needs, not a lecture and criticism.

As a parent I realize it's impossible to always be positive.  And in some less important situations, being negative can be actually be helpful.  But for the really big stuff, for the things that can never be changed, there's only one way to respond and that's with a big smile, open arms and unconditional acceptance.

I'll step off my soapbox now.  If you'd like to share your thoughts on the subject, please do so below.