My husband thought he was bi - he had a male relationship prior to our meeting 20 years ago that he told me about. We are now 7 years past discovering he had been having bi fantasies on participating in an online chat room.Has anyone else heard that being bi polar causes gay fantasies in otherwise straight men? If so, I'd like to know more about it.
Now our marriage and relationship is stronger than ever. We also have discovered his "hyper sexuality" was due to bi polar disease. Treat the bi polar and guess what? The gay sex fantasies subsided.
So what's most important is getting to the root of the issue. Is a husband gay? bi? They apparently are very different. And are there any underlying, untreated areas that could be bringing out this need to explore? We worked with a therapist who had experience in these issues exclusively - which I'd recommend. Not just any ole therapist down the street..
I did an Internet search on the subject and this interesting article on About.com was the first hit. Among other things, the article says:
The myth that bipolar (also called manic-depressive) disorder is linked with homosexuality is rampant. It’s easy to understand why: gay folks do sometimes suffer from bipolar disorder and sometimes they get depressed when life-altering situations arise. But guess what?! Straight people are bipolar and depressed as well.Although the article begins by saying that the connection between being gay and being bi polar is a myth, a later paragraph supports the straight wife's claim - sort of.
There is no direct connection between depression and bipolar disorder and homosexuality. Being gay does not make you bipolar. Being bipolar does not make you gay. So where does the myth come from? There are some indirect connections between behaviors. For instance, when a bipolar individual is in the ‘manic’ phase, he is more likely to let his guard down. He may sleep around more, show less interest in safe sex, and behave in ways that he might otherwise feel shameful of. Gay men may be thought to be manic, in this sense, because of our association with promiscuity. Please note: straight bipolar people act in similar, if not identical, ways when they are in manic phase.
It is worth noting that homosexuality, as any LGBT person will attest, does not suddenly happen one day. We do not wake up on a Tuesday thinking, “Today, I’m gay.” Scientists now believe that sexual orientation and sexual preferences are formed while a fetus is still in development in the mother’s womb. By the time the child is born, his or her preferences are already developed, even if these preferences might not display themselves for many years. Depression and bipolar disorder likely do not work this way. While children may be born with mental illnesses, typically these illnesses are brought on by life-shattering events, such as death, disease, or loss. So while depression and bipolar may sometimes overlap with homosexuality, there is no scientific link.
It says, "When a bipolar individual is in the 'manic' phase, he is more likely to let his guard own. He may ... behave in ways that he might otherwise feel shameful of."
So, if a bi-polar husband is ashamed of his attraction to men, and he's in a manic phase, he might actually have far more frequent and intense gay fantasies than he usually does, simply because his guard is down. That means if the bi-polar condition is successfully treated then the gay fantasies might, in fact, actually subside.
Another possibility is that the man is simply lying.
If your wife very much wants to hear that your gay fantasies have gone away, wouldn't a new medication be the perfect excuse to tell her you're cured? "Case closed, honey. The gay is gone!"
Which is it? Less mania which causes greatly intensifies the fantasies, or, telling an upset wife what she wants to hear? Please share your thoughts on the subject in the comment box below.