Saturday, January 3, 2015

Flexible Sexuality Test

When you're not exclusively attracted to one gender or the other, it can sometimes be difficult to describe your sexuality.  Love and sex can be complicated.  Sometimes they're connected...sometimes they're not.  That division might be gender-related - or it might because you naturally connect to certain people but not others.  Or your attractions might bounce all over the place.  Or they might come in waves.

Or, or, or...really, the possibilities are endless.

Those endless possibilities are probably the reason that no test or rating scale has been created that captures the many intricacies of not-straight sexuality.  The gray area of the Kinsey Scale is vast and human attractions aren't always simple or easily defined.

Well, I recently stumbled across a website that attempts to clarify the murky area that lies between a Kinsey Zero (strictly heterosexual) and a Kinsey Six (strictly homosexual).  The site is called Flexuality: A blog about human sexuality.

It's an interactive site that encourages you to anonymously answer about 25 questions.  Your responses are then tabulated and displayed on two different scales, Sexual Orientation and Sexual Traits.

The site and the "Flexuality Test" were developed by Dr. James W. Hicks, a psychiatrist, published author (50 Signs of Mental Illness) and medical school professor.  

While Dr. Hicks doesn't promote himself as a sex expert, I'd still say his test is worth taking, if only for the fun of it.

Here's my result:

If my "Sexual Traits" came out as something more interesting than 'slightly transitioning' I might find that result more enlightening.  But that's not what happened.  So, for that reason, I found the second graph to be pretty meaningless.  On a more positive note, I'd like to meet people with high supersexual, macho or restrained scores - mostly to see if those qualities are obvious or subtle.  I suspect they're obvious.

The "Sexual Orientation" graph is a good conversation starter.  To understand it I had to reference Dr Hicks' definitions for three categories:

If you are similarly sexually aroused by both women and men, then you are ambisexual. This is the simplest, classic type of bisexuality: a “Kinsey 3” on the heterosexual-homosexual seven-point scale. The prefix in the word ambisexual puts the emphasis more specifically on the equivalence of desire for both men and women, as distinct from other manifestations of bisexuality, though you may also feel comfortable calling yourself bisexual. The term “AC-DC” has been applied to those who derive equal sexual satisfaction from both sexes, or you might refer to your desires as “50-50.”

Ambisexual is probably the most natural condition, the one that would emerge most commonly if society did not so strongly encourage heterosexuality and pathologize homosexual desire, skewing the bell curve that would otherwise define a population’s erotic tastes.

If you are ambisexual, you may be attracted to men and women in more or less the same ways. You fantasize about both. You physically enjoy sex with both. You might fall in love with both, though that is more common in the flexamorous type. You are independent enough in your thinking, and free of sexual guilt and prejudice, to be able to recognize your natural attractions to both sexes and not suppress either.
You are flexamorous if you are capable of having romantic relationships with both men and women. In contrast to those who are ambisexual, you do not necessarily view your sexual desires as equally strong in both directions. You view each relationship, whether with a man or a woman, on its own terms. You do not define yourself by the gender of your partner, even to the extent of asserting an equal interest in both. You fall in love for a variety of reasons, and sexual excitement is not the defining condition. You are sexually compatible with both men and women, but the sexual component in your relationships may have more to do with physical comfort and affection rather than intense sexual desire.

Flexamorous sexuality is a more common presentation among women than men. Many women who do not define themselves assertively as bisexual nevertheless consider themselves capable of falling in love with both men and women. Perhaps this reflects a cultural expectation that men are primarily interested in sex and women in relationships. In either case, for men or women, this category places greater value on falling in love with an individual, regardless of his or her gender.

This category also captures men and women who may have never questioned their sexuality, and who continue to have sexual desires for the opposite sex, but who have found themselves unexpectedly in love with someone of the same sex.
If you are young or engaged in political and academic discourse about sexuality, you may prefer to identify yourself as queer rather than as gay, lesbian, or bisexual. By calling yourself queer, you challenge the idea that heterosexuality is normative, you imply that the gay-straight and male-female binaries are overly simplistic and restricting, and you assert political solidarity with others who resist being judged on the basis of their sexual preferences or gender identification. You may consider yourself post-gay and beyond labeling. You are open to exploring sexual feelings for the opposite sex.

If you are queer, others might view you as simply gay or bisexual, but your choice of terminology reflects the value you place on the potential for change and variation in sexual matters and your reluctance to fix a restrictive label on complex erotic tastes, emotional ties, gender roles, and behaviors. If you are primarily attracted to members of the same sex, you may identify as queer to reflect your own commitment to remaining flexible, or you may call yourself homoflexible.

Some who identify as queer also feel more comfortable thinking of themselves as androgynous or are attracted to men and women who are not typically masculine or feminine. In that sense, queers reject gender roles and stereotypes as well as fixed sexual orientations.
As I think about the test's questions, my answers and how I've actually experienced my attractions, the results seem reasonably accurate, except that I'm much more flexamorous than ambisexual.  Those scores are backward.  I'm willing to have oral and vaginal sex with women but I don't fantasize about them very often.  For me, sex with a woman will only happen again if the woman is aggressive - and if there's absolutely no chance that fooling around will lead to a relationship.

The more I think about these definitions, the more I realize they're fodder for another post.  SO many "bi" married men say their attraction to men has intensified as they've aged that the idea is now accepted as gospel.  That's not been my experience so I feel like a lonely outlier.  Concepts like being flexamorous or homoflexible, on the other hand, resonate with me.

More about that later.

If any of ya'll want to take the Flexuality Test and post your thoughts about it here, that would be appreciated.  Thanks in advance for sharing.


  1. Interesting course of questions. They seem reasonable enough but I kept second guessing my responses. I ended up very high on the Ambisexual side.

    I have recently heard a term talked about by Dan Savage called something along the lines of bisexual-hetero-romantic which equates to a person who is comfortable having sex with both sexes but can only fall in love with the opposite sex. And I may have gotten the specific term wrong, but I think my high score in the ambisexual range covers that for me anyway. Interesting stuff.

  2. Thanks This is interesting. Did it tell you anything you didn't already know? Maybe one surprise here is that you scored zero on the straight and heteroflexible categories - despite being married for years. I wonder how you would have scored at age 20? Maybe a little bit straight? Now over the years your sexuality has become more defined or in focus?

    I struggle with some of these lesser known terms -- flexamorous? Is that a real term or something he made up?

  3. Mine was as expected - I score a 9 on Gay and 0 for all the rest. I also scored a 3 in supersexual, a 1 in versatile, and 0 for the rest. Doesn't surprise me too, I think about sex a.lot. lol.