Monday, February 22, 2016

Nullification of Marriage - "He's the Best!"

Recently, my former wife filed a legal request to nullify our 25 year marriage.  In the documents, she said the marriage was "fraudulent at inception" and therefore needed to be permanently erased

Ending the marriage with an annulment was my suggestion.  I knew the idea of being "never married" would appeal to Catholic Gabbie --- but that's literally all she gets from it.  I, on the other hand, can't be asked to pay spousal support and our assets will not be equally divided.  She knows this, yet she still wants an annulment.  How can I refuse her?

It remains to be seen whether the local county court will agree that my hidden sexuality is enough to nullify the marriage.  Although I'm not contesting it, the court clerks seem doubtful.  We'll find out in a month when the verdict arrives.

As terrific as an annulment would be for me financially, I've struggled to come to terms with it emotionally.  Twenty-five years becomes nothing?  Every anniversary, every shared triumph, every memory is invalidated?  My prime years from 23 to 48 are now meaningless??? That's brutal.

When I first told my friends about the possibility of an annulment a year ago, I could barely keep it together.  Apparently, my unusual emotionalism made quite an impression.  When I recently explained that the papers had finally been filed, I got wide-eyed looks and multiple questions about whether I was going to be OK.

The answer is yes, I'll be OK.  I actually AM OK.  I'm not happy or joyful, but I'm not depressed either.  As I told one friend, "We've been separated for five years and we've lived apart for four.  She's been living with her current boyfriend for a year.  I've had plenty of time to adjust and, the truth is, I'm ready to move on."

"It must help that you're seeing someone?"

"Yes, it helps a little. But even if I wasn't, I'd still be OK."


Speaking of the the guy I'm seeing, the Architect, everything is going very well with us, especially when we're together.

When we're apart, however, I get a little cynical.  I sometimes wonder how the long the good times will last before it all falls apart.  Is that normal in a newer relationship?

I think he's had similar thoughts.  On Valentine's Day I said to him, "You're the best!" and his response was a slightly modest/slightly glum "Don't say that."

"Why not?!!  Especially if it's true?"

He hesitated for a few seconds, then replied, "Because 'the best' can't get any better.  You the future.  It's already THE BEST."

Although he was making a logical point, I sensed that I stumbled onto an old wound.  I'm probably not the first guy who's ever told him "He's the best" --- and look where those relationships are now.

Even if his admonishment wasn't caused by painful memories, I still appreciated his response.  I shouldn't thoughtlessly let superlatives fly.  It *is* better to be grounded and realistic. I don't want exaggerated ideas to lead to disappointment either.

The thing is, objectively speaking, there's no reason for either of us to be too focused on the future. Right now, I can tell that he is as much into me as I am into him.  And, because it's my top priority to be 100% authentic at all times, if things don't work out it won't be because I was naive, foolish or turned a blind-eye to the obvious.  It will be because of something fundamental that can't be changed.

I just wish I wasn't having cynical thoughts when I'm alone.

(Soon-to-be Dr.) Pietro Boselli recently started a YouTube channel, see below.
Many thanks to Michael, Mike, MiddleMan, kenn-do, RB, Not Alone, Sooo-this-is-me and Bruce for your kind comments on my last post!!


  1. Sounds like you are going slow and making things work. I'm happy for you.

  2. I think it's normal when you guys are apart to start thinking about the relationship, at least I hope it's normal because I do that sort of thing all the time. As for the annulment, that would be brutal on a person's emotions, I don't have any similar experience so I'll just wish you well on your new journey in life and hope that you finally found what you're looking for.

  3. If this legal outcome is not in HER best interest, then the court will not agree to it. Spousal support would really hurt your lifestyle for a long period, I hope you can get out of it.

    With this reason for the breakup, the court's sympathy will surely be with her.

    -- From a person who has paid for several law degrees

  4. your fears are very normal. i have definitely felt that way.