They have ruined lives and caused hundreds of thousands of deaths, mostly by suicide.
I was 15 when my feeling of self-hate peaked, and like so many others, I was determined to kill myself. Fortunately, I guess, I was such a pathetic loser that I didn't have the guts to actually do it.
Little did I know it at the time, but being pathetic at the key moment of a teenage, self-hating crisis turned out be the perfect vaccine for my internalized homophobia. From that point onward, the potency of my self-hate faded. I wasn't cured, nor will I ever be, but I was permanently inoculated from most of its harmful effects. Lucky me! (Seriously.)
This is good news for you too. It means that instead of focusing inward, my story starts to involve others --- and that is where it begins to become less conventional.
----
Once I understood that death wasn't an option, I grew hungry to understand what being gay actually meant. My local library was an invaluable resource is that regard, and it's where this episode of my "Staying in the Closet Story" takes place...