Friday, April 15, 2016

Advice needed: married man thinking of cheating with men

I recently received the following request for advice:
I'm in my mid-forties, married with kids.
I had some guy experiences before marriage, but nothing since. 
I've been having some marital problems for a few years, and I'm also feeling very strong urges to be with men. 
I am considering going behind my wife's back, but I am struggling with the idea of being unfaithful. 
Keeping my marriage and family is more important to me than sexual gratification, but I really want some sexual gratification. 
What should I do?
Does any of this sound familiar?  It's not my story, but it is common to a lot of married men.

I asked the guy what he thought his options were.  He said he had three:

1.  Maintain the marriage but have discreet, safe sex with men.

2.  Remain faithful and find other ways to satisfy his sexual needs.

3.  Come out to his wife and hope she'd be understanding.

I suggested a fourth:

4.  Work to resolve the issues in the marriage, with the goal of feeling as fulfilled and gratified as possible.  If he became satisfied, his problem was solved.  If he couldn't be satisfied, he'd know much better if he wanted to stay married or not.

Does anyone have any other suggestions or strong opinions about how this man should proceed?  If so, please share them in the comment section below.

If you don't want to write a comment, please answer the poll question on the top right.  Let's see how much of a consensus there is for one "right" course of action.

By the way, the results for the previous poll "Is this man bi or gay?" were 70% gay and 30% bi.  I'll soon do a follow-up post about what the results mean to me.

In the meantime, let's judge Zac Efron's changed body...

Here is, circa 2010.  Not bad.
Here he is in 2016.  Is he too much of gym rat now?